References:The pigeon greeted with salaam, then hummed,Oh my love for the first time in my life,After saying the opening kalimah, she said, "O my brothers and sisters, it is natural for people fall in and out of love and romance. It happens all around us. Love is one of the most talked about subjects in the media. There are many incidents of the love triangle that ultimately led to murder. Walk the streets and you’ll see people committing suicide just because of lost love. There are also, in other parts of the world, who are willing to cheat, skewing, and even lying, out of love, especially the love of power and wealth.
my eyes are wide open.
Oh my lover for the first time in my life,
my eyes can see.
I see the wind.
Oh, I see the trees.
Everything is clear in my heart.
I see the clouds.
Oh, I see the sky.
Everything is clear in our world.
Oh my love for the first time in my life,
my mind is wide open.
Oh my lover for the first time in my life,
my mind can feel.
I feel the sorrow.
Oh, I feel dreams.
Everything is clear in my heart.
I feel life.
Oh, I feel love.
Everything is clear in our world *)
Views on love in the Muslim community range from the extremely liberal to the extremely conservative. Extremely liberal view said that love is good and everything related is ok prior to marriage. Extremely conservative view said that love is bad or the groom is only allowed to see his bride on the night of the wedding.
Love is a common denominator for mankind, however, it is a topic that is not really discussed in the masjids and is greatly misunderstood. Love, in reality, is one of the main things provided by Islam. The Prophet (ﷺ) provides many solutions for relationship issues. ‘Aisha was the most beloved to him. He fell in love with her when he was in his fifties. Narrated Abu `Uthman,This testimony of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) occurred when he was in his 50's! The Prophet (ﷺ) is a human being just like us. His wives even used to perform practical jokes on him!أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم بَعَثَ عَمْرَو بْنَ الْعَاصِ عَلَى جَيْشِ ذَاتِ السَّلاَسِلِ قَالَ فَأَتَيْتُهُ فَقُلْتُ أَىُّ النَّاسِ أَحَبُّ إِلَيْكَ قَالَ " عَائِشَةُ ". قُلْتُ مِنَ الرِّجَالِ قَالَ " أَبُوهَا ". قُلْتُ ثُمَّ مَنْ قَالَ " عُمَرُ ". فَعَدَّ رِجَالاً فَسَكَتُّ مَخَافَةَ أَنْ يَجْعَلَنِي فِي آخِرِهِمْ."Alah's Messenger (ﷺ) sent `Amr bin Al As as the commander of the troops of Dhat-us-Salasil. `Amr bin Al- `As said, "(On my return) I came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said, 'Which people do you love most?' He replied, `Aisha.' I said, 'From amongst the men?' He replied, 'Her father (Abu Bakr)'. I said, 'Whom (do you love) next?' He replied, "`Umar.' Then he counted the names of many men, and I became silent for fear that he might regard me as the last of them." [Sahih Al-Bukhari]
Every traditional scholar is more than just a serious fatwa giver as may be contrary to popular opinion. In fact, some of the ulama have said, “If you don't experience love, you're not a normal human being.” Ibn Hazm (may Allah have mercy on him) is an example. His name is Ali ibn Ahmad ibn Hazm Al-Andalusi. He was a great faqeeh and minister, but first and foremost, a human being. He wrote books on Aqeedah, Fiqh, Tafseer, and Different Sects. He was born as a follower of the Shafi' madhab and is known for reviving the Zhahiri madhhab. Ibn Hazm is one of the great scholars of our deen not just a great scholar of his generation. One of his contemporaries said the tongue of Ibn Hazm and the sword of Al-Hajjaj are like twin brothers. He would speak very harshly in his writings at times. But when it came to the topic of love, his writings would be very sensitive and emotional. He wrote an autobiography entitled, “The healing of the Souls.” In it, he talks about his connection with the Andalusian women of his time in addition to his own love story. You could feel the pain in his writing because how he fell in love with Qahramana then lost contact with her. He met her again many years later then lost her. After many years he found her but her appearance had changed due to her problems and sorrow.
Ibn Hazm becomes soft when talking about love; he doesn’t seem like the strict faqeeh that some imagine him to be. He believes that souls are scattered matters in heaven that meet and descend to earth and join together as soul mates. His theory of love is based on assimilations and similarity in characteristics between lovers; the first part is jesting and the last part is earnestness.
He also talks about noble love – passions of heart with righteousness and piety. Since he is a Zhahiri, he takes the literal meaning of love as noble love, not lustful love. He considers love as a sickness or an ailment; its remedy depends on the degree or severity of love from each side. Ibn Hazm said, "Love is natural, but can Allah test us with this? Yes, Allah always tests us to see our obedience to Him."
He also used to say, “Love –may Allah exalt you! - is in truth a baffling ailment, and its remedy is in strict accord with the degree to which it is treated; it is a delightful malady, a most desirable sickness. Whoever is free of it, likes not to be immune, and whoever is struck down by it, yearns not to recover. Love represents as glamorous that which a man formerly disdained, and renders easy for him that which he hitherto found hard; so that it even transforms established temperaments and inborn dispositions.”
How many of us like joking about love and falling in love. This might even occur between two potential spouses until they actually find themselves in love! Know that Love is not something to joke about or take lightly. It is one of the miraculous signs of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala.Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'aala states that His creation of men and women as mates to one another is a sign and favor over His creation. The creation of the heavens and the earth and how they stand by His command also as signs of His creation. Allah has drawn a parallel between these magnificent signs in the Universe and His creation of men and women as mates to one another. Love is also a sign of His Lordship, as important as that as the creation of the entire universe.وَ مِنۡ اٰیٰتِہٖۤ اَنۡ خَلَقَ لَکُمۡ مِّنۡ اَنۡفُسِکُمۡ اَزۡوَاجًا لِّتَسۡکُنُوۡۤا اِلَیۡہَا وَ جَعَلَ بَیۡنَکُمۡ مَّوَدَّۃً وَّ رَحۡمَۃً ؕ اِنَّ فِیۡ ذٰلِکَ لَاٰیٰتٍ لِّقَوۡمٍ یَّتَفَکَّرُوۡنَ"And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought." [Qs. Ar-Rum (30):21]Love has a number of stages throughout which it transforms itself. It starts off as passionate love, then it transforms itself when the wife becomes pregnant and then transforms once again when there is children. When that passionate love goes away, people think that love no longer exists between the spouses. But indeed, love never dies. What happens in fact is, that love transforms itself. The most common understanding of love is passionate love, but there are other forms of love.
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), speaking about his wife Khadijah, said, "Verily, I was blessed with love for her” [Sahih Muslim].
The type of love that the Prophet (ﷺ) is speaking about is passionate love. The word for ‘love’ in Arabic is حب. The root of the word are the letters ب and ح. حcomes from deep in the throat, just like love which can be very deep and sometimes love is so deep it makes you choke; the sigh of love. بcomes from the lips and it's a very soft letter; one of the easiest letters in Arabic to pronounce. When you say the بit's like making a kiss and a kiss is a manifestation of love.
Fairy Tales, such as Cinderella, have played an important role in shaping people's views on what love is. In these Fairy Tales, love is all about beauty and physical attraction: the prince sees the girl and falls in love without even knowing her; they get married and "live happily ever after". The story always ends with the couple getting married and that's literally when the love ends. If these fairy tales, in all that matters, are based on a description like this, the concept is not quite right.
There are been different views over time what love actually is. Among others, love is physical interaction between a man and a woman. Others said that love is a philosophical idea. Love is psychological, one convinces themselves that they are in love. Love is spiritual; it is about finding your soul mate. Love is intellectual; love is an intellectual process. Most define love as sentiments and feelings towards someone else. Some Muslim philosophers agreed that love can be a sickness. There is also moral or religious love such as ones love for Allah and the Prophet (ﷺ). Also one’s love for fellow Muslims when you love them for the sake of Allah. But to keep your marriage successful, please don't tell your spouse you love them for the Sake of Allah, since it is natural that people in a marriage desire passionate love.
Rumi once wrote, "One went to the door of the Beloved and knocked. A voice asked, “Who is there?” He answered, “It is I.” The voice said, “There is no room for Me and Thee.” The door was shut.
After a year of solitude and deprivation, he returned and knocked. A voice from within asked, “ Who is there?” The man said, “It is Thee." The door was opened for him.
Many theories about love from the Muslim scholars. Imam Muhammad al-Ghazali (May Allah have mercy on him), wrote about love in his book Ihya'ul ulum al-din, "Revival of Religious Sciences" in a chapter called Adaab an-Nikaah or “The Etiquettes of Marriage”. He spoke of the relationship between man and woman, more about moral love. During his time, people exaggerated their moral love for the Divine. Imam Ghazali put restrictions on this concept and he also writes about the great fitna when you take love to an extreme passion.
Ibn Hazm states that Allah created human beings in the best example: perfection, When we say "beautiful" we mean it's perfect. So, beauty in the mind of human beings is a sign of perfection, and everyone in this life is looking for perfection.
Beauty is relative: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". What may be ugly for one person may attract another person, and vice versa. Sometimes, the opposites, attract. That can really affect what you think is beautiful. For example, fire and ice: if you hold ice in your hands and squeeze it hard enough, it will give a burning sensation, just like fire. So, opposites can be so opposite that they give the same effect.
He also mentions in Tawq ul-Hamamah, "The soul itself, being beautiful, is affected by all beautiful things, and has a yearning for perfect symmetrical images whenever it sees any such image, it fixes itself upon it; then, if it discerns behind that image something of its own kind, it becomes united and true love is established. If however the soul does not discover anything of its own kind behind the image, its affection goes no further than the form, and remains mere carnal desire."
Now, the question may arise, "Is falling in love, halaal or haraam? Does love happen by choice or by force; and will you be held accountable for it?" Falling in love is one of the strangest and most wonderful things a human being can experience. And while it’s different for everyone, there are some common thoughts and feelings that can help people identify when it’s happening.
The fact, love is a miraculous sign of Allah. Allah declares love to be an “ayah”, a miraculous sign, is significant. Anything declared as an ayah is something that is very important. It is not something trivial or to be taken lightly. He says,Allah created us from one soul, and created our mate from that same soul in order that we may find peace and tranquility. He said,وَ مِنۡ اٰیٰتِہٖۤ اَنۡ خَلَقَ لَکُمۡ مِّنۡ اَنۡفُسِکُمۡ اَزۡوَاجًا لِّتَسۡکُنُوۡۤا اِلَیۡہَا وَ جَعَلَ بَیۡنَکُمۡ مَّوَدَّۃً وَّ رَحۡمَۃً ؕ اِنَّ فِیۡ ذٰلِکَ لَاٰیٰتٍ لِّقَوۡمٍ یَّتَفَکَّرُوۡنَ"And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you 'mawaddah wa rahmah' (affection and mercy). Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought." [QS. Ar-Rum (30):21]It was made beautiful to men, the love of women. Allah said,ہُوَ الَّذِیۡ خَلَقَکُمۡ مِّنۡ نَّفۡسٍ وَّاحِدَۃٍ وَّ جَعَلَ مِنۡہَا زَوۡجَہَا لِیَسۡکُنَ اِلَیۡہَا ۚ فَلَمَّا تَغَشّٰہَا حَمَلَتۡ حَمۡلًا خَفِیۡفًا فَمَرَّتۡ بِہٖ ۚ فَلَمَّاۤ اَثۡقَلَتۡ دَّعَوَا اللّٰہَ رَبَّہُمَا لَئِنۡ اٰتَیۡتَنَا صَالِحًا لَّنَکُوۡنَنَّ مِنَ الشّٰکِرِیۡنَ"It is He who created you from one soul and created from it its mate that he might dwell in security with her. And when he [i.e., man] covers her, she carries a light burden [i.e., a pregnancy] and continues therein. And when it becomes heavy, they both invoke Allah, their Lord, "If You should give us a good [child], we will surely be among the grateful." [QS. Al-A'Raf (7):189]Natural love is allowed. If you don't experience love, then get up and go eat some hay, for you're a donkey! However, if it goes into the realm of worship, it is criticized. So, one who falls in love should not be blamed. It is a sign of their perfection, and of Allah's favors upon them. Every heart is in Allah's Hands", we can't say halaal/haraam, because it happens and we cannot control it. Ibn Hazm said, "Love is neither disapproved by Religion nor prohibited by law, for every heart is in Allah’s Hands.”زُیِّنَ لِلنَّاسِ حُبُّ الشَّہَوٰتِ مِنَ النِّسَآءِ وَ الۡبَنِیۡنَ وَ الۡقَنَاطِیۡرِ الۡمُقَنۡطَرَۃِ مِنَ الذَّہَبِ وَ الۡفِضَّۃِ وَ الۡخَیۡلِ الۡمُسَوَّمَۃِ وَ الۡاَنۡعَامِ وَ الۡحَرۡثِ ؕ ذٰلِکَ مَتَاعُ الۡحَیٰوۃِ الدُّنۡیَا ۚ وَ اللّٰہُ عِنۡدَہٗ حُسۡنُ الۡمَاٰبِ"Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire - of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with Him the best return [i.e., Paradise]." [QS. Ali 'Imran (3):14]
There are, at least, ten signs of love. First, the brooding gaze. The eye is the gateway of the soul, and so they can basically reveal your soul; Second, the lover will direct his conversation to his beloved; Third, the lover listens to his beloved's speech, and marvels at everything said- even if it is nonsense; Fourth, the lover hurries to the spot where his beloved awaits him; Fifth, the lover is overcome by a sudden confusion when beloved comes suddenly upon him; Sixth, the lover is abundantly and excessively cheerful at being close to his beloved. e.g in the beginning, they use the "love seat" so that they can be near each other; Seventh, they engage in playful tug-o-war. For example, in the beginning the husband offers to do the dishes, and the wife says, no, I'll take care of it. And they go back and forth, back and forth, until the dish falls and breaks. Then they both smile, and the husband offers to clean it up, and the wife says no, and they start all over again. However, later, the husband doesn't even bother to ask, he just expects his wife to do it, and if the dish breaks they start yelling at each other. Eigth, leaning toward each other. Nineth, touching. 'Aisha narrates that Rasulullah (ﷺ) would grab the hand of his wives when talking to them. Tenth, drinking from the same cup, and touching the lips on the exact spot where the beloved's lips touched. Rasulullah (ﷺ) would grab a piece of meat that 'Aisha had eaten from and then eat from the same spot as she. He would also grab her cup, after she had finished drinking from it, and turn the cup around, and place his lips on the exact spots her lips touched.
Finally, the primary stages of love are usually by choice; you choose to take this path, e.g.by looking, you can fall in love with an image. When you allow yourself to fall in love with someone, it then becomes by force because you cannot help it. Allah is in control of your heart. At this point, love is something you can't control. You will only be held accountable for that which you can control.
If we make a choice to do something haraam because of "love", then we will definitely be held accountable. If the love occurred totally by force, e.g. you fell in love with someone you were going to marry, however it did not work out; then it is a test of patience. Observe piety and righteousness, and may Allah help you!Love, love alone can kill what seemed dead
The frozen snake of passion, love alone
By tearful prayers and fiery longing fed
Reveals a knowledge schools have never known.
And Allah knows best."
- Sheikh Yasser Birjas, Love Notes, Almaghrib Institute
- Idries Shah, The Sufis, Anchor Books
*) Oh My Love, written by John Lennon
