Professor Nightingale was on leave, so, for this session, the organizer brought Dr Swan, as a speaker. And after saying a salaam and the opening kalima, she disclosed, "O my brothers and sisters! There is a popular and old Icelandic poem of a single stanza composition. The poem relates, Þat mælti mín móðir,
[My mother told me]
at mér skyldi kaupa
[Someday I would buy]
fley ok fagrar árar,
[Galley with good oars]
fara á brott með víkingum,
[Sails to distant shores]
standa upp í stafni,
[Stand up on the prow]
stýra dýrum knerri,
[Noble barque I steer]
halda svá til hafnar
[Steady course for the heaven]
höggva mann ok annan
[Hew many foemen]
It is said, the poem, originates from a poem in Icelandic saga called Egil's Saga, about the famous Vikings, Egil Skallagrimsson. One interpretation of the saga, tells that the character of Egil, is complex and full of seeming contradictions. His multifaceted nature reflects the extreme qualities of his family, a family of men who are either ugly or astoundingly handsome; a family which includes 'shape-shifters', who become suddenly mad, violent and cruel, though they may at other times be deliberate and wise; a family which neither submits to the will of kings, nor stands in open rebellion.
However, I'm not going to tell you about the saga, I'd rather to express that, ill-examples, corrupt, even the best natural disposition. It is in vain to instruct our children, their talents, being only imitation, to walk by one rule, if we, ourselves, go by another. The good precepts which we may lay down to them, will be bestowed in vain, if they see, by our own conduct, we pursue a contrary course, to that which we recommend to them.
Listen to the following apologue,
Two Crabs, a mother and her son, having been left by the receding tide, were creeping again towards the water. When she observing the awkward gait of her son, got into a great passion, and desired her to move straight forward, in a more becoming and sprightly manner, and not crawl sideling along in a way so contrary to all the rest of the world.
“Why in the world do you walk sideways like that?” said she to her son. “You should always walk straight forward with your toes turned out.”
“Show me how to walk, mother dear,” answered the little Crab obediently, “I want to learn.”
So, the old Crab tried and tried to walk straight forward. But she could walk sideways only, like her son. And when she wanted to turn her toes out, she tripped and fell on her nose.
Parents, therefore, who are desirous of working an effectual reformation in their children, should begin by making a visible amendment in themselves. This is a duty they owe to society, as well as to their offspring. It being of the utmost importance to both, that probity and honour, be early instilled into their youthful minds, as these grow with their growth, and while at the same time, they command respect, they lay the foundation of their individual happiness through life.
In Islamic view, parents, must consistently engage in behaviour and speech, that exemplifies the true nature of being Muslim. Children derive many of their ideas about roles and values, from significant individuals with whom they interact and have close relationships. Of course, the parents would be the main figures in this process.
In relation to parenting, parents must work on strengthening their marriage for sake of their children. If marriage is the centre of the family, it only makes sense that, effort is exerted to fortify and enrich this relationship. The couple should understand their marital responsibilities and rights, from an Islamic perspective and seek to fulfill these, to the best of their ability. They should acquire knowledge of parenting from an Islamic perspective as well as information related to practical matters, for example, discipline, development, and health.
Knowledge and seeking knowledge, guide us to that which is true in life-to the straight path. Without the necessary knowledge, our journey through life will not be very successful. Seeking knowledge is compulsory on every Muslim. The ability to leam and understand, is what sets us apart from the rest of Allah’s creation, and is directly related to the concept of free will. Making choices would certainly be a haphazard affair without the capacity to gain knowledge.
Islamic Scholars, has been made an important distinction between knowledge. The first type of knowledge is, which is obligatory upon each and every individual. This would include basic knowledge of the religion, including beliefs (‘aqeedah) and practices (prayer, fasting, poor-due, social relations, and so forth). The second type of knowledge, is that which is compulsory on some members of the Muslim society, but not all. It is a communal obligation, lifted, once some members of the community have fulfilled it. For example, if some members of the community become doctors to take care of the sick, then the rest of the community is absolved from this responsibility; if no one becomes a doctor, then the whole community is held responsible. This category, would include detailed knowledge of Islam and Sharia, medicine, education, engineering, and so on.
These points, related to knowledge need to be emphasized for parents. One of the primary duties of parents is, to take care of their children, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. Education is a key factor in all of this with the goal of raising healthy, knowledgeable, and strong Muslims. It is probably even more important for women due to their position in the family. Teaching can be direct, such as study circle at home or in the mosque, but much of it will be indirect, through modelling and observation. The mother, through her continual contact with other family members, has the potential to be an excellent teacher. Most of this, can be done simply by learning about Islam and implementing its wisdom. Children learn a great deal by watching those around them, particularly their parents.
It is important to understand that, the husband and wife, present models of married life to their children, as well as models of parenting. This modelling has a major influence upon the beliefs, attitudes, and behaviours of a developing child. Children, in fact, learn more by observing others than by what they are told. For this reason, parents should be particularly careful about how they interact when in the presence of their children. Research shows, for example, that conflict between husband and wife has many negative effects upon children. Marital conflict should be avoided in front of the children, and models should instead be provided of dialogue, compromise, and patience. Consultation, fairness, reasonableness, and equanimity are essential ingredients for a harmonious family unit.
From an Islamic perspective, men and women, have the same spiritual nature, and are both given the responsibility as trustees of Islam on earth. As such, they have the same religious duties and responsibilities. They will both be held accountable on the Day of Judgment for their beliefs and actions in this world. There is no superiority of one gender over the other. Superiority as a construct is actually measured in terms of righteousness and piety. Allah has assigned specific roles for males and females in daily functioning. Both roles, are honourable and operate in a complementary manner. Each gender has been given specific qualities and traits to fulfil their respective roles.
Men are the maintainers and providers of the home and leaders of the family. Women are responsible for raising the children and instilling in therm morals and righteous behaviour, and for taking care of the home. They must also be obedient to their husbands as long as they are not requested to act against the injunctions of Allah. This role differentiation, is necessary for effective functioning of the family unit, since Allah has created systems with balance and order. The family is a system, and it functions, most efficiently, when the laws of nature and the laws of Allah are implemented. When the balance is disrupted, humans suffer the consequences.
As mentioned, the husband is responsible for providing the sustenance and needs of his wife and children. This includes provision for food, clothing, shelter, and other basic needs according to his financial income and social norms. In general, he is responsible for their physical welfare and wellbeing, which also entails a measure of safety and security. The importance of this cannot be neglected. The father is the authority in the family and the leader of the family unit. No organization can function effectively without a manager, and in the family, the father takes care of this important role. In essence, this means that he is deserving of obedience from all family members and he has the final word in all decisions. This does not preclude discussion and compromise on important matters, but the father is worthy of due respect and obedience.
Motherhood, is highly respected in Islam and is a means through which a woman may gain immense spiritual rewards. Allah has created this role specifically for women as part of His mercy. For this purpose, Allah has conferred upon women the unique qualities and characteristics necessary for effectual fulfilment of this role. Women tend to be more nurturing, compassionate, sensitive, and patient: all qualities needed to create a warm, loving, and peaceful atmosphere within the home.
Motherhood is a full-time career, entailing pregnancy, giving birth, breastfeeding, and many years of childrearing. These are sufficient responsibilities for one individual without adding the additional burden of having to provide for the family. It is part of Allah’s mercy that women are not required to work outside of the home to bring sustenance for their children. The burden, in most cases, would be more than she could bear. The ideal situation allows her to fulfil her primary responsibility to the best of her potential.
There are some situations, however, where it may be necessary for a mother to work, such as to assist with the financial needs of the family or to satisfy the needs of society, for example, doctors, midwives, and teachers. The latter is considered to be a communal obligation that must be satisfied by some members of the community in order for the obligation to be removed. In these cases, the benefits must carefully be weighed against any harm that may arise. It is important to remember that personal responsibilities take precedence over communal responsibilities.
From the perspective of Islam, women are not completely prohibited from working, but the matter is one that should be given serious consideration and discussion before any decision is made.
An enlightened and fair educator, is always on the look out for effective educational means, and bases to prepare children religiously, morally, educationally, psychologically, and socially, the aim is to assist children, to attain the highest possible degree of perfection, maturity, rationality, and equilibrium.
But what are these effective means and educational bases for educating children? There are five,
