Citations & References:"Our three toads went on with their talks, then it's about Light Rail Transit (LRT). One of them said, 'A man ran up to a farmhouse and pounded on the door. When the farmer came to the door, the man demanded, 'Are there any near LRT station from here?'The farmer replied, 'Yes, but since there is no access to the station, you have to cut through my field.'The man asked, 'What time is the next LRT to the city?'The farmer informed, 'You should reach the station in time for the 5:20. But if my bull, which is grazing overthere, sees you, you’ll probably make it by 5:00.'"Wulandari then went on, "Knowing that we have dignity and that it is always with us allows us to be more vulnerable with others, take risks, and speak the truth, says Donna Hicks. Vulnerability is where the truth lies. The more we can be honest and truthful, the less we violate our own and others’ dignity, and the more our relationships flourish. When we lose a firm hold on the belief of our inherent value, when we question our own worth, we are more likely to engage in face-saving behaviors that wreak havoc on relationships.Not being aware of dignity’s inherent power also creates a problem for leadership. There is a crisis of leadership because people are looking outside of themselves for the next leader to emerge. If we are to consider ourselves a 'fountain of power,' we first need to know, intimately and confidently, that it exists within us. Dignity is the source of priceless power—it enables us to develop mutually beneficial connections to others and to create positive change in our relationships.Managing our power wisely and honestly can happen only if we recognize the value and vulnerability of ourselves and others so that we do not abuse it. Educating ourselves about dignity is the first step. Knowing and accepting what lies within us will free us from a lot of needless suffering and allow us to live our lives fully.Learning about dignity involves understanding the complex, often conflicted state of our inner worlds and the emotional challenges we face daily. There are lessons to be learned that can help us become better people, spouses, parents, and many kinds of leaders. These lessons can enable us to develop into the best versions of who we are.The transformation that occurs with a consciousness of dignity helps us gain perspective—it allows us to take a step away from our usual point of view so we can better understand why we do what we do, why we feel the way we feel, and why we think the way we think. It is about more than learning—it is about developing ourselves in a way that makes us wiser rather than smarter. The consciousness that it brings enables us to see our blind spotsand ways in which we are held back from living life in full extension—expressing all of our talents, fulfilling deep connections with others, and engaging in a life that has meaning and purpose.Hicks then sugests ten ways to avoid violating our own dignity and the dignity of others. First, don’t let the bad behavior of others determine your own behavior. Restraint is the better part of dignity. Don’t justify returning the harm when someone has harmed you. Do not do unto others as they do unto you. Second, don’t lie, cover up, or deceive yourself—tell the truth about what you have done. Third, when you have violated the dignity of others, admit that you have made a mistake and apologize for hurting them. Fourth, beware of the desire for external recognition of your dignity in the form of approval and praise. If we depend only on others for validation of our worth, we are seeking false dignity. Our dignity also comes from within. Fifth, don’t let your need for connection compromise your dignity. If we remain in a relationship in which our dignity is routinely violated, our need for connection has outweighed our need to maintain our own dignity. Sixth, don’t allow someone to violate your dignity without saying something. Stand up for yourself. Don’t avoid confrontation. A violation is a signal that there is something in the relationship that needs to change. Seventh, don’t assume you are an innocent victim in a troubled relationship. Open yourself to the idea that you might be contributing to the problem. You may not be aware of it. We need to be able to look at ourselves from an outside perspective so that we can see ourselves as others see us. Eighth, Don’t resist feedback from others. We often don’t know what we don’t know. We all have blind spots (undignified ways in which we unconsciously behave). We need to overcome our self-protective instincts that lead us to resist constructive criticism and instead consider feedback as a growth opportunity. Ninth, don’t blame and shame others in order to deflect your guilt. Control the urge to defend yourself by trying to make others look bad. Tenth, beware of the tendency to connect with others by gossiping about someone else. Being critical and judgmental about others when they are not present can feel like a bonding experience and makes for engaging conversation, but it is harmful and undignified. If you want to create intimacy with others, speak the truth about yourself—about what is really happening in your inner world—and invite the other person to do the same.All of us, want to be respected, but respect has to be earned. It does not just come or automatically, for example because of position or nobility. Many simple ways to gain respect, such as to maintain your integrity. It's the cornerstone of earned respect; we don't respect anyone for making a promise, but he who keep it; offer respect by means of mespect those around you; the more you focus on adding value for others, the more respect you will get, give respect to get respect. A respected leader is a leader that people trust and admire typically because they have integrity, they care about their people and they get great things done on a consistent basisJust like respect, trust has to be earned too. Without consciousness of dignity, it is more than likely that at some point resentment and distrust will prevail. Trust requires safety, and the one sure way to ensure that people feel safe is to treat them with dignity. For a leader, building a trust starts with creating a safe environment where people feel comfortable expressing themselves and taking risks. It means being transparent and authentic.Perhaps most important, in the hands of a trusted leader, the people he keads are more comfortable with change and more willing to embrace a new vision. When your people doesn't trust you, you don't get their best effort. You'll then find yourself unable to inspire, influence, and create real change—an ineffective leader.Research has shown that when people trust each other at work, because their relationships are strong, they are more committed to the organization and more willing to make a positive contribution. Other research has shown that interpersonal trust is necessary to the functioning of organizations and plays a role in determining whether they achieve their goals and objectives. Trust also helps build employee commitment and increases the reputation of the organization, as well as organizational performance.In the practice of good leadership, trust is important. We all know intuitively that trust is necessary for authentic relationships, yet we also know how fragile it is and how easily it can be destroyed.Hicks gives us a case of conflict between management and its employees. Five years earlier, a company had fallen on hard times and was nearly bankrupt. Everyone knew that the company was facing a fragile situation, and the employees were concerned not only for the viability of the company, but also for their jobs. Many of the employees had worked for the organization for decades and felt a tremendous loyalty to it. In a move of desperation, the management team asked its employees to help them avoid bankruptcy by taking pay cuts. They asked everyone to 'pull together and win together.' All agreed, and the company hobbled along for the next five years, avoiding the worst-case scenario.Unexpectedly, the company started doing very well again, and it was clear that the 'pull together and win together' strategy had worked. But this is where the trouble began. The employees fully expected that when the company started doing well again, their pay would be restored. This did not happen. Moreover, the management team gave themselves big bonuses, arguing that it was a legitimate move and was in their contract. From the executives’ point of view, they did nothing wrong.The outcry from the employees was immediate. They felt betrayed. What happened to 'pull together and win together'? They had given the leaders the benefit of the doubt, believing that if the company ever started doing better, they would do the right thing. The trust that the employees had felt for the management team during the crisis vanished. The workers felt exploited and violated in so many ways that it led to a complete breakdown in the relationship with the management team.In addition to the betrayal of trust, the employees felt that their dignity had been violated in many ways. They were treated unfairly; it felt like a great injustice. They felt invisible—as if their identities didn’t matter. They were not being recognized or acknowledged for the contribution they had made to help the company survive. They no longer felt safe in their relationship with management. 'There’s no telling what they will do to us,' one work group reported. They felt excluded from the windfall the company experienced, but what bothered the employees the most was that the management didn’t want to talk about the bonuses, much less be held accountable for their actions. One worker summed it up this way, 'Management keeps saying that it was legal to take the bonuses—it was in their contract. Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s right.'You can see how nearly all the elements of dignity were compromised in one decision by the management team. The team’s silence and unwillingness to have a dialogue only made it worse. What were the chances that trust could be restored? Unfortunately, the executives were not willing to take any responsibility for their decision, which made it impossible for the relationships to be repaired. The company never recovered from the rift with its employees.People expect their leaders and managers have a standar moral attitude. To maintain a good relationship with their followers, leaders need not only to be technically good at what they do, but also to demonstrate a commitment to do what is right for others. They say that leadership has an ethical dimension related to treating others well—to honoring their dignity. This ethical dimension is present when the relationship between leaders and those who follow them is the strongest and trust is at its highest. By contrast, trust is quickly lost when leaders stray from doing what is right.The human reaction to a breakdown in trust is swift and automatic. It is part of our evolutionary legacy, passed down to us like a dominant gene. We are very quick to exclude others from our moral circle when we feel betrayed, especially by people we felt connected to and empathic toward. One neuroscientist explains that empathy and disgust are mediated in part by the same brain region. It makes sense, then, that a breakdown in a high level of empathy can elicit a very strong reaction of disgust. In the earlier story, the breakdown of trust and empathy was just one dignity violation away, and it was safe to say that when that violation happened, the employees were left with a feeling of disgust.Paul Zak has studied trust and written extensively about the role it plays in creating a productive work environment. In an article he wrote for the Harvard Business Review, he reported that trust is good for business. Creating a culture of trust in an organization increases productivity, cooperation, discretionary energy, and employee retention. People report feeling happier and supported in an environment where stronger performance is nurtured. One of the findings of his research is that when people feel trust in someone, a brain chemical called oxytocin is produced. This chemical signals that a person is safe to approach. His research indicates that the more people trust others, the more their brains produce oxytocin. In another series of studies, he administered oxytocin (through a nasal spray) in subjects and found that those who were given the spray were twice as likely to act trusting toward a stranger as those who did not receive it. He also found that stress worked against trusting others. Finally, he reported that oxytocin increases empathy.Daniel Goleman explains that one of the most gratifying human experiences is 'the experience of being experienced,' or what he calls mutual empathy.He also tells us about our shared human experience—that we are wired to connect with others. The research shows that, because we are wired to connect, we are also keenly set to read the intentions of others and to empathize. Goleman defines empathy in three ways: knowing (cognitively understanding) what others are feeling; feeling (experiencing) what others are feeling; and responding compassionately (acting) to another’s distress. He sums it up this way, 'I notice you, I feel with you, and so I act to help you.'What is remarkable about empathy is that, when we empathize with another, the brain activates the same neural pathway in each of us. Goleman explains, 'In other words, to understand what someone else experiences—to empathize—we utilize the same brain wiring that is active during our own experience. Our mirror neurons are in synch, allowing us to communicate without words. What’s on their mind occupies ours.'He makes the point throughout that without empathy, relationships suffer. Empathy inhibits cruelty toward others. It has the power to silence the amygdala, the part of the brain that can trigger aggressive behavior. Without our capacity for empathy, the human experience of relationship would not be a natural source of comfort and safety, but potentially a source of threat and harm. Even though we are all born for love and empathy—we have the biological predisposition wired into our brains—there is no guarantee that we will develop it. Infants need the experience of love and attention to activate the capacity for empathy, and then they—and we—need it for the rest of our lives. Empathy requires lifelong caring and loving interactions with others. So, here we can find the connection between empathy and dignity, for what a powerful demonstration of love and caring, it is to honor each other’s dignity.Anyone attempting to exercise leadership would be wise to include in her or his repertoire knowledge of what it takes to honor dignity. Although we are all born with dignity, we are not born knowing how to act in accordance with this truth.We have evolved with the powerful need to be in relationship with others and the intense longing to be liked and loved that goes along with it. The default setting of our brains wants us to be engaged in thinking about others.A fundamental aspect of what it means to be human, is so important. The emotional volatility associated with having our dignity honored or violated, cannot be overstated. When people feel that their value and worth are recognized in their relationships, they experience a sense of well-being that enables them to grow and flourish. If, in contrast, their dignity is routinely injured, relationships are experienced as a source of pain and suffering. For better or for worse, we will spend our entire lives motivated by social connection. Leaders who understand the power of treating people well, will see their people thrive, and they will thrive right along with them. Because when we honor others’ dignity, we strengthen our own. And Allah knows best."It's time to go, Wulandari left as singing Benyamin Sueb's witty song,Sang bango, eh sang bangau, kenape elu, elu delak-delok?[Stork o strok, why did you look to and fro?]Sang bangau, ngau, ngau, ngau, eh sang bango, kenape elu, elu delak-delok?[Stork o strok, why did you look to and fro?]Mengkenye aye, aye delak-delok, sang kodok, eh, kerak-kerok[I looked to and fro, because toad was croaking]Mengkenye aye, aye delak-delok, sang kodok, eh, kerak-kerok[I looked to and fro, because toad was croaking]Sang kodok, eh, eh, eh sang kodok, kenape elu, elu kerak-kerok?[Toad o toad, why were you croaking?]Sang kodok, eh, eh, eh sang kodok, kenape elu, elu kerak-kerok?[Toad o toad, why were you croaking?]Mangkenye aye, aye kerak-kerok, orang-orang, eh, pade ngorok[I was croaking because all people were snoaring]Mangkenye aye, aye kerak-kerok, orang-orang, eh, pade ngorok[I was croaking because all people were snoaring]Bang orang, eh, eh, eh bang orang, kenape elu, elu pade ngorok?[People o people, why were you all snoaring?]Bang orang, eh, eh, eh bang orang, kenape elu, elu pade ngorok?[People o people, why were you all snoaring?]Mangkenye aye, aye pade ngorok, sang kodok kerak-kerok[We all are snoring because toad was croaking]Mangkenye aye, aye pade ngorok, sang kodok, eh kerak-kerok[We all are snoring because toad was croaking]Sang kodok, eh, eh, eh sang kodok, kenape elu, elu, kerak-kerok?[Toad o toad, why were you croaking?]Sang kodok, eh, eh, eh sang kodok, kenape elu, elu, kerak-kerok?[Toad o toad, why were you croaking?]Mangkenye aye, aye kerak-kerok, bikin musik, lagunye house rock[I was croaking because I was creating music, a house rock song]Mangkenye aye, aye kerak-kerok, bikin musik, lagunye house rock **)[I was croaking because I was creating music, a house rock song]
- Adrienne Stone & Frederick Schauer (ed.), The Oxford Hanbook of Freedom of Speech, 2021, Oxford University Press
- Donna Hicks, Ph. D, Dignity: It's Essential Role in Resolving Conflict, 2021, Yale University Press
- Donna Hicks, Ph. D, Leading with Dignity, 2018, Yale University Press
- George Kateb, Human Dignity, 2011, Harvard University Press
- Robin S. Dillon, Dignity, Character and Self-Respect, 1995, Routledge
- B. F. Skinner, Beyond Freedom and Dignity, 1976, Penguin
*) "Jangkrik Genggong" written by Andjar Any
**) "Sang Bango" written by Benyamin Sueb
[Session 2]
[Session 1]
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