In Islamic perspective, manners, will never change, because it is based on the Qur'an and Sunnah. The broad principles needed to negotiate the problems that arise in human societies in different ages, contained in the Qur’an and the Sunnah. As a complete way of life, Islam orders economic, political and devotional activity as well as manners, relating to everyday human exchanges and routines. Islam is not confined merely to devotional and legal manners; it embraces criteria and values, attitudes, customs and manners in all reaches of human concern and relationship. As a portion of this whole, Islamic manners are derived from the broad objectives of Islam and reflect its broad ideas and values.
The good manners adopted by Islam, which is derived from its teachings and instructions, is called Adab al-Islam. Adab, is an Arabic term meaning custom; it denotes a habit, an etiquette, a manner of conduct derived from people considered as models. During the first two centuries following the emergence of Islam, the term ‘adab’ carried ethical and social implications. The root 'db' means marvellous thing, or preparation, feast. Adab in this sense, was the equivalent of the Latin 'urbanitas,'—civility, courtesy, refinement of the cities in contrast to bedouin uncouthness. So, adab of something, means good manner of that thing.
Islam determines every aspect of the life of a Muslim. This essential fact, is very difficult for non-Muslims to grasp. For the believer, Islam gives the criteria for judging all of his behaviour and conduct; it determines his relationship with other individuals, with society as a whole, with the physical world, and it determines also his relationship to his own self.
The various aspects of Islam—ideological, spiritual, legal, social, economic, political, etc.—are mutually consistent and supplement each other. The breadth of adab al-Islam, contrasts sharply with the limitations of ‘etiquette.' The origin of ‘etiquette’ can be traced to the French word ‘une etiquette (a ticket), a list of elaborate rules prescribing acceptable behaviour for every situation, that might be encountered at court’. The manners of Islam, are not merely rules of courtesy for various occasions, but cover the whole range of human relations, from the simplest actions, to the most elaborate of social occasions.
The true purpose of adab al-Islam, lies in their religious character and nature. They derive from and sustain man’s need to remember Allah, in his daily routine; they are designed to keep up his remembrance of Allah, and to help him act rightly and correctly. This is conspicuous in the invocations of Allah that accompany most everyday incidents of behaviour in Islam.
One of the chief foundations of adab al-Islam is, morality, the cornerstone of a nation’s self-confidence and strength, as surely as corruption and immorality are one of the main causes of a nation’s decline and disintegration. Given the importance of morality to the health of a nation, normative Islam is surely right to block all ways leading to corruption. Material comforts should not be at the expense of human virtues, individual and collective; politics also must conform to the goals of Islam, i.e. the development of human character, the humanity of man.
The ideal of the humanity of man is grounded in the concept of al-‘amal al-Salih' or virtuous deeds. The term, extends beyond what is normally understood as the ‘religious’ domain and covers a wide range of human activities—in relation to others, to the animate and inanimate environment—sanctioned within Islamic faith and law. The Prophet’s (ﷺ) life, provides many concrete instances: to act justly between two people, to help a man onto his mount, to help load his belongings, to speak good words, to remove nuisances from paths or roads, to give food and water to stray dogs and cats, to be forward in greeting others, to visit relatives, etc.; even the act of making love within marriage, is valued as a good deed.
The most inclusive characteristics of the ideal Muslim personality are humility, modesty and simplicity or naturalness (lack of affectation). Pride and arrogance in any aspect of conduct, are not accepted, as no individual is superior to another except in his degree of faith and contribution of good deeds. Thus, clothes that show haughtiness, that flaunt social status, are forbidden. Manners in eating should demonstrate humility, before the occasion as well as respect for the meal: leaning on a cushion while eating is forbidden. Sitting on the floor when eating is a sign of humility, and therefore recommended. Furnishings should show modesty and restraint; for example, the bed should not be set too high above the ground. Gait in walking, manner of address in greeting and in speech generally, should avoid any taint of arrogance.
Islam requires and demands moderation and naturalness in all aspects of life, worldly and religious. Exaggeration, eccentricity and affectation, caprice and complicatedness, are rejected. The insistence on a certain informality in adab al-Islam is intended to ease their use by the vast majority of the members of the Muslim society. Naturalness of manners is valued as a means of relieving social tension, of enabling and strengthening social relations.
Adab al-Islam, are not designed to divide society according to social classes. The rules, revealed through the Qur’an and the Sunnah , were not formulated by certain groups, i.e. the rich and powerful, in order to subdue or distance other groups. Islam attaches great importance to the adherence of the whole of Muslim society to its adab. It does not consider these manners as the privilege or preserve of a certain group, but as a privilege open to every member of the Muslim society. A variety of etiquette levels is non-existent in Islam.
The function of adab al-Islam in unifying Muslim communities, as well as being an expression of their unity, is clear. But adab al-Islam are not just about coherence or consistency of behaviour; they are about coherence or consistency of right behaviour. The notion of ‘proper’ conduct may not, in Islam, be separated from the notion of ‘good’ deeds, nor from ‘faith’ and ‘devotion’. Faith and good deeds are both necessary in this world for a prosperous and ideal society in which there is mutual and shared responsibility. And in the Hereafter, faith and good deeds are the necessary conditions for forgiveness and salvation, for admission to Paradise. A large number of verses in the Qur’an link faith and good deeds as defining characteristics of a true Muslim.
In Islam, what is ‘central’ and ‘essential’ is determined by its broad relation to the goals of Islam, among which is the civilization or advancement of human society, the promotion of happiness and prosperity, material as well as moral. On examination, the prescriptions and prohibitions which form part of Islamic teachings, will be seen to be not arbitrary decrees but an ordered system of commandments whose purpose—besides testing man’s obedience and loyalty to Allah—is the advancement of man, according to a safe, proper and perfect course, at the individual, family and societal levels. The details of adab al-Islam are not meaningless formalities, unwelcome to the individual, because they are unrelated to the actual needs of his personal or social life. On the contrary, they directly address the different basic functions that concern all members of society at almost every moment of their lives. They are intended to concentrate attention on the central and essential, to rescue man from the peripheral and distracting. They distinguish means from ends and help individual and community to administer personal and collective resources effectively. It may be helpful to illustrate this general point, by listing the basic human needs and functions as they are viewed within the perspective of adab al-Islam:
- Clothes are primarily intended to protect the wearer against the climate, and to conceal parts of the body;
- The purpose of housing is to provide shelter from the climate and to secure necessary privacy and safety;
- Cleanliness, as well as protecting man from disease, expresses his humanity;
- Adornment, make-up, etc. are a woman’s means to look attractive and pleasant before her husband;
- Speech is important as a means of communication, serving in the essential functions of exchange and relationship with other people, such as buying, selling, etc;
- Humour reduces tension and relaxes people at a gathering;
- Gifts are meant to express goodwill and to foster good relations with others;
- Inviting others to eat, sharing food with others, makes and strengthens social bonds;
- Social relations themselves are valued because they prevent or limit isolation of the individual. Social customs are valued because they create stability and harmony in social relations.
- Graves are primarily for honouring the dead, but also to protect the living from the decaying corpse;
- Animals, in direct relation to man, are intended to be used only for specific purposes such as provision of food, labour, transport. They are not meant to be used by man for his entertainment as, for instance, when animals are set against each other.
The rules of conduct for a Muslim life contain sound wisdom, whether viewed in religious, cultural, social, economic, psychological or even medical terms. It follows that, for a healthy, balanced life, individual and community should apply these rules comprehensively and conscientiously. Wherever they are applied, two things must always be borne in mind, namely kindness and consideration. Among the root meanings of ‘Islam’—besides surrender or submission—is peace; a ‘Muslim’ is one who has submitted to the decrees of Allah, who has sought to make peace with Allah and His creatures. Moreover, the Prophet (ﷺ) defines a ‘Muslim’ as one who does not harm others by hand, or tongue.
The following story, illustrates about a father's advice, to his son and daughter.
