"A teacher who was teaching in class, asked her students, 'Please tell me something important that didn't exist fifty years ago?'The students answered in unison,' Me!'"Cananga went on, "Life is not a singular journey, but many journeys. Every person has a different experience, aims, and itineraries to tick off. Sometimes, one epitomizes the age-old proverb, 'Try and try until you succeed,' to reach what he or she aspires to, like Sylvester Stallone did. Or like Soichiro Honda, he says, 'Success can only be achieved through repeated failure and introspection.' His journey was long and difficult, his life full of trials and challenges. Several times he was shot down and several times he stood up to continue what he loved doing. At no point did failure prevent him from pursuing his dream; failure only urged him to find a way to do so and heightened his need for learning. He used his love for automobiles, his knowledge, and his skills to pursue his dreams, and, despite the obstacles, he fought within reason to achieve his dreams.Or, Joanne 'J.K.' Rowling, her life is like a wheel; it has had its ups and downs. A single parent who had to raise a little girl on her own with only welfare money in her pocket, she was depressed. Through the years, only one thing was constant in J. K. Rowling’s life—her love for English and literature. She began writing as early as age 6 and has never stopped. She particularly enjoyed writing children’s fantasy stories and most of her works are of this nature. The idea of Harry Potter came to her while she was on a train from Manchester to London. Most of her personal experiences became sources of ideas for the books. Some characters she picked out of her roster of family, friends, and acquaintances who were given life in the magical world. All she did was to do what she does best and believe that one day the odds would turn in her favor. Patience has rewarded her with much more than she could have asked for.Or, with perseverance and unparalleled willpower, Michael Jeffrey Jordan made a name for himself. Or, leaving behind the abusive life he was living and learn how to work out in the gym like Arnold Schwarzenegger.Or, especially, like Abraham Lincoln. He encountered numerous obstacles on his way to his eventual presidency. His path to the Presidency was tedious, he also suffered from depression, so severe that he spent six months confined at home. His popularity grew as he openly expressed his disagreement with the acquisition and trading of slaves in the country. He envisioned a world wherein everyone was equal and in which the government favored no specific race.Lincoln’s aspirations captured the hearts of the people and, although he was not elected to become a senator, he was as popular as ever and his name was brought up whenever there was talk about the Presidency. The circumstances in Abraham Lincoln’s life led to great leadership during the Civil War. As he had always done, he studied military tactics and operations independently to lead his army. Furthermore, he still insisted on the concept of equality among all men and, later during his term, he finalized the decree that all slaves be freed.With his military operations skills and his knowledge of political manipulation, the United States won over the Confederate States. His successfully bringing an end to the Civil War earned Abraham Lincoln a second term as President. He addressed his fellow Americans and said that it was time to build up the nation, as one of freedom. He, however, did not live to see the day. Shortly after the end of the war, Lincoln was assassinated while watching a stage play with his wife. Despite the premature end of the political leader’s life, the results of his battles are well-lived today. America is now the land of the free where gender and race are no longer measures of social status. Most importantly, and as Abraham Lincoln wished, the United States built a government of the people, by the people, and for the people.When we take a train toward a new destination, Héctor García and Francesc Miralles write, we may at first be stricken by worry upon leaving the world we know. However, after a while, seeing the landscape roll past our window, we are overcome with the calmness typical of travelers who flow with the journey and accept the temporary nature of life.This willingness of spirit is what must accompany us when we embark upon any adventure, whether it be professional, artistic, or even emotional. We must be aware that we will leave our comfort zone, which will cause us uncertainty, but the new horizons that await us are worth being brave about.One of Indonesia's presidential candidates in 2024, Anies 'Abah' Baswedan—I don't want to say that he has 'lost' or 'becoming defeated' in the 2024 election because he has won the hearts of most of Indonesian's young generation, even though other candidates claim to represent Indonesian's youth—refers the 'boiling frog' apologue. It describes a frog being slowly boiled alive. The premise is that if you put a frog suddenly into boiling water, it will jump out to escape the danger. However, if you place the frog in tepid water and then gradually heat it to boiling, the frog won’t perceive the danger and will be cooked to death—then served as swikee.. This story is often used as a metaphor for people’s inability or unwillingness to react to gradual threats rather than sudden ones. So, it’s not just about frogs; it’s a cautionary tale about our own awareness and adaptability to change. Our comfort zone is the place or situation where we feel comfortable because we find ourselves in a well-known environment where we can use our habitual responses, with no need to improvise new solutions or face up to the anxiety of change.Alasdair White defined the comfort zone as a behavioral state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviors to deliver a steady level of performance, usually without a sense of risk. However, always remaining in the 'known world' prevents us from evolving, and many people pay a high price for not abandoning the bosom of what feels comfortable, in the shape of apathy, feeling weary of life, and even depression.The good news is that challenging our comfort zone is something that comes naturally and instinctively from the moment of birth. It allows us to grow, learn, and mature. Children are always venturing into the unknown until they become adults.The trouble is that at that point we discover we are vulnerable. We become aware that we have things to lose and that we can get hurt. We stay where we are comfortable. We become like the fabled frog who stays in the pot because, as he becomes accustomed to the slowly rising temperatures, he remains unaware of the danger he’s in, and is boiled to death.None of the breakthroughs that have made society progress would have come about if humanity had remained in its comfort zone. Likewise, on an individual level, only by venturing into the unknown will we achieve what we desire. Dale Carnegie puts it like this, 'We learn by doing. Children don’t learn to walk by watching others, they try to stand and fall hundreds of times before learning how to put one foot in front of the other in perfect balance. Doing things that are uncomfortable and new ultimately expands your comfort zone. It enables you to confront new tasks courageously—not without fear, but with fear under control.'If you do the thing you think you can’t do, you’ll feel your resilience, your hope, your dignity, and your courage grow stronger. Someday, you'll face harder choices that might require even more courage. When those moments come, and you choose well, your courage will be recognized by the people who matter most to you. When others see you choose to value courage more than fear, they will learn what courage looks like and they will only fear its absence.Sometimes, 'those who fly alone have the strongest wings', they have the ability to turn losses into wins, they are able to bounce back from problems more readily than those who depend too much on others. The ability to control people and events refers to power. It represents the capacity to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events. The term 'power' has several meanings, and it can be used in different contexts. Power refers to the ability to control or influence people and events. When referring to physical strength or energy, power can mean: the strength to perform tasks; the energy produced by mechanical, electrical, or other means; the electricity used in various contexts; natural abilities. Power can refer to an official or legal right to do something. Power can also describe the possession of control or command over people or situations. The meaning of 'power' can vary based on the context in which it is used.Philosophers, feminists, and sociologists understand social power as control, domination, oppression, violence, choice, influence, capacity, and agency. It includes the ability to create, the ability to change things, and the ability to produce an intended effect. It is the ability to get what you want or need. It is the ability to get a group of people to join you to produce the effect that you intend. It is the ability to get opponents to do what they would not otherwise do.Rebecca Subar defines power as the ability of a group to meet a specific objective despite barriers posed by another group or groups. I am powerful enough to steal a jug of water from the co-op without fear of clerks or cops. My neighbor is not. Like my own lack of awareness about the privilege that let me steal with impunity, a group’s sense of power may be intuitive rather than conscious. But those employees, neighbors, and citizens who strategize intentionally about change will base their strategy on a conscious assessment of power relations. If their power is balanced with the power of their opponents, they will talk with their opponents, negotiate, and try to work out a deal.If you were a kid in 1995 or since you may be intimate with the 800+ species of Japanese anime characters who inhabit Pokémon World. Even if you aren’t, you probably know of them, since, by 2020, Pokémon video games, TV shows, movies, and merchandise made up the highest-grossing media franchise in the world. Pokémon characters are always seeking opportunities to conquer regions beyond their own, says Subar. They constantly size each other up, estimating the other’s power. They do this both for their own safety and for purposes of potential conquest.How do the Pokémon estimate each other’s power? Well, each Pokémon is coded as having or missing certain attributes. Each has a gender assignment of female, male, or no gender. Each has a size and a level of shininess, and the spots on the little cases that serve as homes to the Pokémon differ in number and positioning. Pokémon have quantifiable abilities, and the 'nature' of an individual Pokémon is defined by just a single one of these abilities: hardy, lonely, brave, adamant, naughty, bold, docile, relaxed, impish, lax, timid, hasty, serious, jolly, naive, modest, mild, quiet, bashful, rash, calm, gentle, sassy, careful, or quirky. This quantifiable ability is one of Pokémon’s 'constant' attributes. One Pokémon can get help predicting how another will behave by factoring together the calendar date, the beverage drunk most recently by that other, and the other’s constant attributes. An intrepid Pokémon can get access to the Pokémon hidden power calculator and determine precisely how much and what type of power a hostile Pokémon has.Estimating the power of a human group is not so simple. It would be useful to reduce all forms of social-change power to a single currency, like Pokémon power attributes for people, but in human conflicts, it’s never so easy to judge power. Fortunately, we don’t need a single currency to measure power or any absolute measure of power. We only need to determine whether a given group has sufficient power to negotiate, says Subar.When someone else is holding the keys to your happiness, conflict occurs. Conflict is a situation when your people need something but the other side isn’t giving it up. Your side needs to figure out how to get it. You need to determine whether and how to approach the other side. Be it intentionally or unconsciously, groups often make this determination by assessing the power dynamics of the conflict. When our power is equal to our opponent’s power, we have the possibility of getting what we want.Every one of us has experienced conflict. According to Subar, 'conflict' is when your people want something, and the other side isn’t giving it up. Conflict emerges at the moment your side needs to decide whether to struggle to build power or sit down to negotiate with the other side: whether to talk or to fight. When it comes to handling conflict, sometimes talking makes more strategic sense than fighting, and sometimes fighting is a more promising strategy. In some settings, one might perceive fighting as morally wrong and, in others, as the only principled course. In addition to questions of strategy and principle, most of us have preferences, comfort zones, and even biases toward either dialogue or resistance. Some people are natural provocateurs. To others, peacemaking is a more natural choice.As individuals, we choose how to approach conflict with a combination of conscious choice and personal predispositions toward one approach or another. Our styles are influenced by earlier events, Subar added. Individual conflict style is made up of 'personal beliefs, values, and motives that ‘push’ one’s conflict behavior in a consistent direction.' We may find ourselves reflected in one of the five conflict styles identified in the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Styles grid: collaborating, accommodating, competing, avoiding, and compromising.There are two dynamic approaches to conflict. The first: dialogue, negotiation, or talking, includes activities taken on with the consent of both (or all) parties to the conflict. Negotiation, mediation, and voting are methods of consensual problem-solving. Everyone who participates in a negotiation subjects themselves to mediation or goes to the ballot box to vote is participating in a process of decision-making (or a sort of problem resolution) by choice.Nonviolent methods are not the only way to build power. For starters, one person’s nonviolence is another person’s terror: a disciplined nonviolent street blockade preventing entrance to a bank accused of predatory practices will predictably be experienced by some passersby as violent. So, the second approach: resistance, protest, or fighting, includes activities taken on unilaterally by one group against a second group, without the consent of that second group.Governments use police and military violence, though this is frequently in the exercise of the power the state already has rather than to build up the state’s power. Whether we call them terrorists or freedom fighters, non-state groups have at times chosen violent methods as the cornerstone of a power-building strategy. Historical examples tumble in once you start thinking about it: the Irish Republican Army, the Jewish resistance in Nazi-occupied Poland, the Algerian resistance to French rule, and so on. These groups targeted the power of states, just as so many countries were formed when revolutionary groups used armed struggle to grow their power against the governments they sought to topple.Groups in conflict are unlikely to agree on a definition of power, let alone on which group is more powerful. Unbalanced power relations have a profound impact on our self-perceived role in social systems and social struggles. The nature of relative powerlessness and the characteristics of the powerless tend to be imperceptible to the powerful; power protects the powerful from seeing beyond their reality. Because of this phenomenon, groups on different sides of a conflict have different perceptions of who has more power. Unbalanced power affects perceptions of power.Unbalanced power is ubiquitous in human systems. Every day, each one of us navigates power differences within our families, at schools and workplaces, in our mosques, synagogues, and churches, and in our neighborhoods. Government agencies and corporations set rules and obey unofficial practices that guide our economy and ensure that power is hard to shift. In every human setting, power is present, influencing social dynamics. Power dynamics are ubiquitous across organizations, communities, and society.People typically grow into adulthood with the knowledge that they ought to have power over decisions that affect them. This means that power differences—whether obvious, subtle, or invisible—are a significant factor in motivating action among weaker parties. These imbalances cause fistfights, family feuds, and wars. So, people seek power.Power flows through families, organizations, communities, societies, and countries. Each of us creates a personal story of power as we comprehend it from our particular seat in the particular row of our particular theater. The more we perceive the power of our group and of other groups, the more freedom, flexibility, and choice we have as we strategize to win.That's one of the meanings we can learn from the month of Safar. The third month in the Islamic Calendar is Rabi' al-'Awwal. Muharram means 'forbidden,' Safar means 'void', Rabi' al-'Awwal means 'the first spring', and it also means to graze, because cattle were grazed during this month. It is the very holy month of celebration for many Muslims, as it was the month the Prophet (ﷺ) was born.Talking about birth, cannot be separated from a discussion about the role of parents, family, and education. We'll continue in the next episode. Bi 'idhnillah."Cananga then chanting,Life is dandyWe are what we don't seeWe miss everything daydreamingFlames to dust, lovers to friendsWhy do all good things come to an end? *)
Citations & References:
- Kevin Johnson, Never Give Up: Motivational Stories of Determination, Perseverance and Success, 2016, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
- Rebecca Subar, When to Talk and When to Fight: The Strategic Choice between Dialogue and Resistance, 2021, PM Press
- Héctor García and Francesc Miralles, The Ikigai Journey: A Practical Guide to Finding Happiness and Purpose the Japanese Way, translated from Spanish by Russell Calvert Tuttle Publishing
*) "All Good Things (Come to and End)" written by C. Martin, Floyd Nathaniel Hills, Timothy Z. Mosley, Nelly Kim Furtado
