Have you ever heard the Beatles' song "Maxwell’s Silver Hammer?" Despite its upbeat and jaunty music hall style, the song tells a dark and unsettling story. The lyrics narrate the actions of a seemingly ordinary medical student named Maxwell Edison, who has a penchant for suddenly and violently striking people over the head with his silver hammer. The song follows Maxwell as he first murders his girlfriend, Joan, while she's getting ready for a date. Then, back at school, he silences his annoyed teacher. Finally, during his murder trial, he even manages to kill the judge.
Paul McCartney, who wrote the song, has explained that on one level, it's an analogy for when unexpected and unfortunate things happen in life, "out of the blue." He wanted a symbolic representation of that, and the character of Maxwell with his silver hammer served that purpose.
However, the stark contrast between the cheerful music and the grim narrative of a serial killer creates a disturbing and memorable effect. Some have interpreted the song as a commentary on the sudden and random nature of misfortune, while others see it as simply a dark and quirky character study.
Inspired by that ditty, a screenwriter penned a yarn that goes a little something like this:
Opening scene: A spot of music, grandiose in that superhero way, but ever so slightly off-key and comical.
Narrator: (In the style of Morgan Freeman, but with a hint of sarcasm) "In a land far removed from Wakanda... I mean, Konoha, in a locale positively teeming with intrigue and ever-so-subtle conspiracies, there lived a young chap by the name of Mulyono. He was a good boy type with very simple clothes, and everything he wore was labeled "cheap". But, behind it all, Mulyono kept a secret... and a silver mallet."
Cut to Mulyono, striking a pose reminiscent of Thor, albeit with a silver mallet in hand.
Narrator: "This, you see, wasn't just any old mallet. This was a rather ancient artefact... or rather, a symbol of influence... or to be precise, an instrument for bending reality to one's own design. And Mulyono, wielding its power, could twist the facts until they resembled... well, whatever he jolly well pleased."
Scene flashback, in the style of Christopher Nolan. Monochromatic, dramatic, and just a tad over the top.
Narrator: "One day, Mulyono found himself in a bit of a pickle. His previously much-vaunted diploma was suddenly under scrutiny. It was as if the chaps were saying, 'I say, is that a proper degree, or did you perhaps acquire it from a bloke down the pub?'"
Cut to a gaggle of people gossiping in the manner of Twitter users, complete with speech bubbles.
Netizen 1: "I'll wager Mulyono was educated at Hogwarts, what?"
Netizen 2: "Or perhaps he's a graduate of Dilan University? 'This diploma is ever so weighty, my dear Milea...'"
Netizen 3: "More likely he printed it off at the local internet café, if you ask me!"
Back to the narrator, adopting the gravitas of a young Sherlock Holmes.
Narrator: "Mulyono, naturally, was in a bit of a state. But he wasn't alone in his hour of need. He had a team of spin doctors who were prepared to take the flak... or rather, erect a veritable fortress of falsehoods."
Montage sequence in the style of Ocean's Eleven, but rather less competent and more farcical.
Narrator: "Witnesses suddenly found themselves afflicted with a most convenient amnesia, not unlike those who've encountered a Men in Black gizmo. His academic supervisor vanished without a trace, as if spirited away by fairies. His once-esteemed alma mater became the subject of endless memes. But Mulyono, bless his ambitious heart, had an even more audacious scheme in mind."
Scene: Mulyono meeting with the Chief Constable, accompanied by suitably tense music in the style of Mission Impossible.
Narrator: "He employed the mallet's... persuasive qualities... to convince the rozzers. With a spot of rather "creative" laboratory analysis, the police declared Mulyono's bit of paper to be more genuine than the Koh-i-Noor diamond."
Cut to a police press conference, complete with dramatic lighting and a suspicious amount of dry ice.
Chief Constable: "Following a thorough investigation... or rather, after a rather delightful confabulation over a cuppa in the lab... we can confirm that Mr. Mulyono's diploma is... absolutely pukka, old boy!"
The public outside can only manage a collective facepalm and a weary shake of the head.
Narrator: "But the drama, as they say, was far from over. The whole shebang wound up in the High Court. And it was there that things reached their rather peculiar climax..."
Courtroom scene, in the style of Law & Order, but ever so slightly more absurd.
Narrator: "The judge, initially a picture of wisdom and impartiality, suddenly experienced a most dramatic change of heart. It was as if he'd been subjected to some form of mind control. He delivered a verdict that left everyone utterly gobsmacked."
Judge: "I hereby declare... Mr. Mulyono... not guilty. Free to go about his business. Now, who's up for a bit of karaoke with yours truly?"
Suddenly, a silver mallet hurtles through the window, making rather a forceful acquaintance with the judge's cranium. Everyone freezes, in a tableau reminiscent of a rather dramatic action film.
Narrator: (In the booming tones of Brian Blessed) "And it was at this juncture that we were all compelled to ponder... What in the name of all that's cricket just occurred? Was this the hand of karma? The machinations of a shadowy cabal? Or perhaps merely a prank perpetrated by a rogue jester on a unicycle?"
Closing scene: Mulyono gazes at his silver mallet with a rather enigmatic expression. Blackout. The Beatles' "Maxwell's Silver Hammer," performed by a brass band, begins to play.
Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon his head
Clang! Clang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure that he was dead
Narrator: "Mulyono's Silver Mallet. A tale of power, deceit, and... a missing diploma. Mulyono's silver mallet has left a trail of casualties, from the hallowed halls of academia to its once-esteemed faculty, and even the supposedly infallible institutions of law enforcement and the judiciary. Until the next series, pip pip, tally ho, and all that rot!"
Fade out.
