There are many commandments in the Quran that relate to our treatment of our parents. Allah says,
وَقَضٰى رَبُّكَ اَلَّا تَعْبُدُوْٓا اِلَّآ اِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ اِحْسٰنًاۗ اِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ اَحَدُهُمَآ اَوْ كِلٰهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَّهُمَآ اُفٍّ وَّلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيْمًا
وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُلْ رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيٰنِيْ صَغِيْرًاۗ
رَبُّكُمْ اَعْلَمُ بِمَا فِيْ نُفُوْسِكُمْ ۗاِنْ تَكُوْنُوْا صٰلِحِيْنَ فَاِنَّهٗ كَانَ لِلْاَوَّابِيْنَ غَفُوْرًا
'And your Lord has decreed that you worship not except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], 'uff, [an expression of disapproval or irritation] and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.
And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.'
Your Lord is most knowing of what is within yourselves. If you should be righteous [in intention] - then indeed He is ever, to the often returning [to Him], Forgiving [for those who intend righteousness, hastening to repent from sins and errors committed through human weakness, Allah promises forgiveness].' [QS. Al-Isra (17):23-25]
Dutifulness to parents follows immediately after worshipping Allah. Undutifulness to parents is forbidden because it is a grave sin. Abu Bakrah, radhoyallahu 'anhu, related that the Prophet (ﷺ) said,
ألا أنبئكم بأكبر الكبائر ثلاثا ؟ قلنا بلى يا رسول الله قال الإشراك بالله وعقوق الوالدين ، وكان متكئا فجلس فقال : ألا وقول الزور وشهادة الزور ، فما زال يكررها حتى قلنا ليته سكت
''Should I inform you about the greatest ofthe great sins?' They said, 'Yes, O' Allah's Messenger.' He (ﷺ) said, 'To associate and co-worship others with Allah and to be undutiful to one's parents.' The Prophet (ﷺ) then sat (straight) after he had been reclining and said: 'And I warn you against giving a false statement,' and he kept saying that till we wished that he stopped [That is: 'We wished that he (ﷺ) stopped saying these words out of compassion for him, since we saw signs of anger on his face].' [Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
After Allah, there is no one who has realized a greater favour to any person than his own , parents. His mother bore him in extreme difficulty while cartydng him, and at the time of giving birth she went through great hardship and trouble. She did her best in bringing him up and spent S'leepless nights tending to him ignoring all her other wants and desires. She gave preference to him over herself each and every time.
His father, in addition to being a cause for his existence, also gave him love, compassion and brought him up by working hard and spending on him.Thus a logical person knows the right of the one who renders a favour to him and tries to repay such favour.
Not to recognise the right of the one who effects a favour is from the most despicable quality, especially if the person denies such a right and furthermore, repays it with evil.
A person who is dutiful and good to his parents should know that no matter how good he is to them he can never repay or thank them (for their rights and privileges).
The closeness of relatives can be likened to the closeness of parents to a child and a person should not be neglectful of such rights.
The Quran also mentions what is permissible and what is not in relation to obedience to parents. Allah says,
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْاِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِۚ حَمَلَتْهُ اُمُّهٗ وَهْنًا عَلٰى وَهْنٍ وَّفِصَالُهٗ فِيْ عَامَيْنِ اَنِ اشْكُرْ لِيْ وَلِوَالِدَيْكَۗ اِلَيَّ الْمَصِيْرُ
وَاِنْ جَاهَدٰكَ عَلٰٓى اَنْ تُشْرِكَ بِيْ مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهٖ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِى الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوْفًا ۖوَّاتَّبِعْ سَبِيْلَ مَنْ اَنَابَ اِلَيَّۚ ثُمَّ اِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَاُنَبِّئُكُمْ بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَعْمَلُوْنَ
'And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.
But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge [i.e., no knowledge of its divinity. There can be no knowledge about something which is non-existent or untrue], do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.' [QS. Luqman (31):14-15]
Mother has a right which equals three folds that of the father, and this is due to the hardship the mother faces during pregnancy, delivery, and fostering the child. Then after birth, the father shares her the responsibility of raising the child.
The rights of parents (haqq al-walidayn) are made clear in the verse mentioned, in which Allah paired being thankful to Him with being thankful to parents. Showing birr [is used todescribe righteousness,piety, reverence, devoutoess and kindness among other things] to them is by obeying whatever they ask of you and tell you to do, as long as it is not something forbidden. Their instructions should be given preference over optional (nawafil) prayers. Stay away from what they prohibit you. spend on them. Seek out for the things they like. Serve them excessively. Observe respect and dignity with them. Don’t raise your voice or stare at them. Don’t call them by their names.Walk behind them. Be patient over anything they do that you dislike.
Also, Allah says,
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْاِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا ۗوَاِنْ جَاهَدٰكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِيْ مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهٖ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۗاِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَاُنَبِّئُكُمْ بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَعْمَلُوْنَ
'And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. To Me is your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.' [QS. Al-'Ankabut [29]:8]
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْاِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ اِحْسَانًا ۗحَمَلَتْهُ اُمُّهٗ كُرْهًا وَّوَضَعَتْهُ كُرْهًا ۗوَحَمْلُهٗ وَفِصٰلُهٗ ثَلٰثُوْنَ شَهْرًا ۗحَتّٰىٓ اِذَا بَلَغَ اَشُدَّهٗ وَبَلَغَ اَرْبَعِيْنَ سَنَةًۙ قَالَ رَبِّ اَوْزِعْنِيْٓ اَنْ اَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ الَّتِيْٓ اَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيَّ وَعَلٰى وَالِدَيَّ وَاَنْ اَعْمَلَ صَالِحًا تَرْضٰىهُ وَاَصْلِحْ لِيْ فِيْ ذُرِّيَّتِيْۗ اِنِّيْ تُبْتُ اِلَيْكَ وَاِنِّيْ مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِيْنَ
اُولٰۤىِٕكَ الَّذِيْنَ نَتَقَبَّلُ عَنْهُمْ اَحْسَنَ مَا عَمِلُوْا وَنَتَجَاوَزُ عَنْ سَيِّاٰتِهِمْ فِيْٓ اَصْحٰبِ الْجَنَّةِۗ وَعْدَ الصِّدْقِ الَّذِيْ كَانُوْا يُوْعَدُوْنَ
وَالَّذِيْ قَالَ لِوَالِدَيْهِ اُفٍّ لَّكُمَآ اَتَعِدَانِنِيْٓ اَنْ اُخْرَجَ وَقَدْ خَلَتِ الْقُرُوْنُ مِنْ قَبْلِيْۚ وَهُمَا يَسْتَغِيْثٰنِ اللّٰهَ وَيْلَكَ اٰمِنْ ۖاِنَّ وَعْدَ اللّٰهِ حَقٌّۚ فَيَقُوْلُ مَا هٰذَآ اِلَّآ اَسَاطِيْرُ الْاَوَّلِيْنَ
اُولٰۤىِٕكَ الَّذِيْنَ حَقَّ عَلَيْهِمُ الْقَوْلُ فِيْٓ اُمَمٍ قَدْ خَلَتْ مِنْ قَبْلِهِمْ مِّنَ الْجِنِّ وَالْاِنْسِ ۗاِنَّهُمْ كَانُوْا خٰسِرِيْنَ
وَلِكُلٍّ دَرَجٰتٌ مِّمَّا عَمِلُوْاۚ وَلِيُوَفِّيَهُمْ اَعْمَالَهُمْ وَهُمْ لَا يُظْلَمُوْنَ
وَيَوْمَ يُعْرَضُ الَّذِيْنَ كَفَرُوْا عَلَى النَّارِۗ اَذْهَبْتُمْ طَيِّبٰتِكُمْ فِيْ حَيَاتِكُمُ الدُّنْيَا وَاسْتَمْتَعْتُمْ بِهَاۚ فَالْيَوْمَ تُجْزَوْنَ عَذَابَ الْهُوْنِ بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَسْتَكْبِرُوْنَ فِى الْاَرْضِ بِغَيْرِ الْحَقِّ وَبِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَفْسُقُوْنَ
'And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows] until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years, he says, 'My Lord, enable me [literally, 'gather within me the utmost strength and ability'] to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims.'
Those are the ones from whom We will accept the best of what they did and overlook their misdeeds, [their being] among the companions of Paradise. [That is] the promise of truth which they had been promised.
But one who says to his parents, 'Uff [an expression of distaste and irritation] to you; do you promise me that I will be brought forth [from the earth] when generations before me have already passed on [into oblivion]?' while they call to Allah for help [and to their son], 'Woe to you! Believe! Indeed, the promise of Allāh is truth.' But he says, 'This is not but legends of the former peoples' -
Those are the ones upon whom the word [i.e., decree] has come into effect, [who will be] among nations which had passed on before them of jinn and men. Indeed, they [all] were losers.
And for all there are degrees [of reward and punishment] for what they have done, and [it is] so that He may fully compensate them for their deeds, and they will not be wronged.
And the Day those who disbelieved are exposed to the Fire [it will be said], 'You exhausted your pleasures during your worldly life and enjoyed them, so this Day you will be awarded the punishment of [extreme] humiliation because you were arrogant upon the earth without right and because you were defiantly disobedient.'' [QS. Al-Ahqaf (46):15-20]
Dutifulness to parents include: appropriate kindness to them, invoking Allah's blessings for them, paying attention to their advises (in this world) and, craving after their guidance to the right path even if they be non-Muslims.
Abusing and cursing one's parents is a great sin. 'Abdullah ibn 'Amr ibn al-'As, radhiyallahu 'anhu, related that the Prophet (ﷺ) said, 'It is of the greatest sins that a man curses his parents. It was asked, 'O' Allah's Messenger! How does a man curse his (own) parents?' He (ﷺ) said, 'The man abuses the father of another man, and then the latter abuses the father of the former, and abuses his mother, and then the latter abuses the former's mother.''
It is related that Abu Hurayrah (radiyallahu 'anhu) saw two men and asked one of them. Who is this to you?’ He replied, ‘My father.’ Abu Hurayrah said, ‘Do not call him by his name. Do not walk in front of him and do not sit before he does so.'
Muhammad Ibn Sirin said, ‘A person who walks in front of his father has disobeyed him, unless he does so to remove harmful things from the path. A person who calls his father by his name has disobeyed him. He must say, ‘O my father!'
Mujahid said, ‘A son should not push the hand of his father when he hits him. If a person stares at his parents he has not shown birr to them. If a person brings anything to them that grieves them he has disobeyed them.’
Ibn 'Uthman al-Hindl narrated that he heard Sa'd saying, ‘My ears have heard and my heart has recorded from Muhammad (ﷺ) the following words, ‘Whoever knowingly claims attribution to other than his father, paradise is forbidden for him.
Abu Hurayrah, radhiyallahu 'anhu narrated that the Prophet (ﷺ) said, 'Do not turn away from your fathers. Whoever who turns away from his father has committed disbelief.' [Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Al-Hasan al-Basri said, ‘The worst offence is that a man brings his father before the ruler.’
Ibn Abbas (radhiyallahu ’anhuma) narrated that the Prophet (ﷺ) said, 'Cursed is the one who abuses his father. Cursed is the one who abuses his mother.'
Abu Hurayrah (radiyallahu 'anhu) narrated that the Prophet (ﷺ) said, 'Allah does not accept the prayer of the one whose parents are angry with him, unless they are being oppressive towards him.'
The son is of his father's earnings. Jabir ibn 'Abdullah, radhiyallahu 'anhu, narrated that a man came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said, 'I have money and children, and my father wants to take my money by force. The Prophet (ﷺ) said, 'You and your money are for (or under service of) your father.'
A'ishah, radhiyallahu 'anha, narrated, 'The best of that from which man could eat and benefit is from his earnings, and his son is (considered) of his earnings.'
Yet in another hadith she, radhiyallahu 'anha, said [from the Prophet (ﷺ)], 'The man's son is of his earnings, the best of his earnings, so eat of their money or properties (i.e., get benefit from them).'"
"On the next session," said Wulandari, "we'll continue to discuss about our duty towards our parents, bi 'idhnillah."
Then she hummed,
I guess I learned it from my parents
That true love starts with friendship
A kiss on the forehead, a date night
Fake an apology after a fight *)
