Love: What Is Love? (2)

In the past year, Indonesia has witnessed a sharp rise in cases of bullying within schools, with reports indicating that the numbers have more than doubled compared to the previous year. According to data from the Indonesian Child Protection Commission (KPAI), there were 285 cases recorded in 2023, which then surged to 573 cases in 2024. By 2025, the figure had escalated further, with over 1,000 violations of children’s rights documented, of which 165 occurred in schools. Tragically, at least 26 of these school-related bullying incidents resulted in the death of students. Several cases have drawn national attention, including those in Jakarta, Sukabumi, Lampung, Grobogan, and Tangerang Selatan, where bullying led to fatal outcomes. The pattern reveals that schools, which should serve as safe spaces for children, have instead become environments where violence and intimidation are alarmingly common. Experts argue that this surge reflects systemic failures in prevention and intervention, and they warn that without stronger measures, the cycle of abuse and loss will continue to repeat itself.

The rise in bullying cases in Indonesian schools is rooted in a combination of cultural, institutional, and social factors that have not been adequately addressed. Many experts argue that schools often fail to establish strong systems of prevention and intervention, leaving students vulnerable to unchecked aggression. The persistence of hierarchical and authoritarian teaching styles can normalise intimidation, while peer pressure and the desire to assert dominance among adolescents further fuel the cycle of abuse. At the same time, the lack of effective counselling services and limited teacher training in handling conflict mean that early warning signs are frequently ignored. Social media has also amplified the problem, as online harassment often spills over into the classroom, creating a toxic environment that blurs the line between virtual and physical bullying. Parents and communities, meanwhile, are sometimes reluctant to confront these issues directly, either due to stigma or fear of damaging the school’s reputation. Taken together, these factors reveal a systemic failure to protect children, turning schools into unsafe spaces where violence and humiliation are allowed to flourish.

Love is not merely the sweet, fleeting feeling that pops up out of nowhere; it is the way we truly care for and show up for someone. When we listen, understand, and support the people we care about—even in tough moments—love becomes tangible. It is not the romantic drama on screen, but the small everyday moments: a smile, a kind word, or simply being present without distraction.

Everyone experiences and expresses love differently. Some feel joy when they are listened to, others when they are helped, some crave touch, while others just want quality time together. This makes it crucial to be sensitive to each other’s love language. Misunderstandings often arise not because love is absent, but because it is spoken in a different “language.” When we learn to understand each other’s emotional dialect, relationships become warmer, closer, and filled with mutual appreciation.

Ultimately, love makes life feel alive. It allows us to feel accepted, valued, and at home in someone else’s heart. Every kind word, small gesture, warm hug, or genuine act of attention is more than a simple action—it is a reflection of true love. With love, life becomes not only more beautiful, but richer, warmer, and filled with moments that make us feel deeply connected.

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True love can find your inner beauty because it does not rely on the surfaces that the world so often mistakes for truth. It sees beyond polished appearances, curated performances, and the masks people wear out of fear or habit. When someone loves you with honesty and depth, their attention becomes a kind of gentle light that illuminates the parts of you that are usually hidden: your kindness, your instinct to care, your resilience after heartbreak, your humour that surfaces only when you feel safe. True love does not search for perfection, but for authenticity—the small details, the contradictions, the flaws that form the real shape of a soul. In the presence of such love, people naturally soften; their guardedness dissolves, allowing their most sincere self to emerge. That is why true love can discover inner beauty even when you can’t see it in yourself: it witnesses who you are when you are no longer trying to impress the world, only trying to be honest with one heart that truly sees you.

Love can be heard more loudly than sound because it speaks in a language that does not rely on words, volume, or noise. It communicates through presence, intention, and the subtle gestures that linger long after any spoken sentence fades. A touch placed gently on your shoulder in a moment of doubt, the way someone looks at you when you don’t realise they’re watching, the quiet patience offered when you are overwhelmed—these moments resonate far more deeply than any declaration uttered out loud. Words can be embellished, exaggerated, or misunderstood, but the actions of love rarely lie. They echo in the heart with a clarity that no voice can replicate. Love is “heard” in how someone shows up when you are struggling, in how they stay when things become difficult, and in how they choose you even on the days when you cannot choose yourself. That is why love, even in silence, can thunder louder than sound: because the heart recognises truth long before the ears do.

In The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (1992, Northfield Publishing), Gary Chapman proposes that human beings understand, communicate, and feel love through five primary emotional channels that he calls “love languages,” each functioning as a distinct mode through which affection becomes intelligible and deeply felt. Chapman explains that Words of Affirmation operate as spoken expressions of appreciation, encouragement, and emotional validation, allowing love to take shape through gentle, sincere language that reassures the beloved of their worth. He then describes Acts of Service as demonstrations of love expressed through helpful actions, where practical assistance, thoughtful gestures, and taking burdens off a partner’s shoulders become a silent yet powerful vocabulary of care. Chapman also outlines Receiving Gifts as a symbolic language in which tangible objects—whether simple or elaborate—serve as physical embodiments of thoughtfulness, signalling that someone has been lovingly held in mind even in moments of absence. He further depicts Quality Time as the language of undivided presence, where shared attention, meaningful conversation, and intentional companionship create a sense of emotional closeness that cannot be replicated by distractions or divided focus. Finally, Chapman presents Physical Touch as an essential human pathway to connection, in which affectionate contact—such as holding hands, embracing, or gentle reassurances—translates emotional warmth into a deeply embodied experience of safety, tenderness, and belonging.

Recognising someone’s love language begins with observing the patterns through which they naturally express affection, for people tend to give love in the manner they most wish to receive it. If an individual frequently offers compliments, verbal encouragement, or heartfelt appreciation, Words of Affirmation are likely central to their emotional experience. When a person habitually performs helpful tasks, anticipates the needs of others, or quietly shoulders responsibilities, they often speak the language of Acts of Service. Those who place great meaning in thoughtful presents, who remember small details and mark occasions with symbolic gifts, usually respond most deeply to the language of Receiving Gifts. If someone craves meaningful conversation, values shared activities, or becomes distressed by half-hearted attention, their primary language is often Quality Time. Meanwhile, individuals who naturally initiate hugs, seek physical closeness, or offer comfort through touch typically connect most strongly through Physical Touch. Asking gentle questions about what makes someone feel genuinely appreciated also reveals much, because people often articulate their emotional needs indirectly when they are invited to reflect upon them.

Within romantic relationships, the love languages function as emotional bridges, enabling partners to reassure one another in a form that resonates most authentically. A gesture that feels trivial to one person may feel profoundly intimate to another, and couples flourish when they learn to speak each other’s emotional dialect rather than insisting on their own. In friendships, these languages become gentler forms of care—listening attentively, offering help without being asked, giving small tokens of appreciation, or simply being physically present in times of difficulty. Families, meanwhile, often experience conflict not because love is absent, but because it is expressed in mismatched languages: a parent may show devotion through tireless acts of service, while a child may long for affirming words or warm physical closeness. When these linguistic differences are acknowledged, love becomes easier to perceive, misunderstandings diminish, and emotional bonds deepen across every type of relationship.

Recognising one’s own love language requires a quiet attentiveness to the patterns of emotional longing that recur throughout daily life, for the heart often reveals its preferences not through grand declarations but through subtle moments of comfort and disappointment. A person whose inner world brightens upon hearing sincere praise, or who feels wounded when encouraging words are absent, is usually oriented towards Words of Affirmation. Someone who feels most cared for when others alleviate their burdens—whether by helping with chores, organising tasks, or quietly taking responsibility—often discovers that Acts of Service define their emotional landscape. Individuals who cherish symbolic tokens, who feel deeply touched when someone remembers small details or offers a thoughtful gift, often realise that Receiving Gifts resonates most profoundly with them. Those who long for undivided attention, who feel alive during meaningful conversation or shared experiences, frequently find that Quality Time grounds their emotional sense of connection. Meanwhile, anyone who instinctively reaches for physical closeness, who finds comfort in touch and feels distant without it, typically recognises Physical Touch as their primary way of feeling loved. Reflecting on what hurts most in moments of relational tension also reveals a great deal, for our deepest disappointments often mirror the love language we value most.

In daily life, each love language manifests in specific, tangible scenarios. Words of Affirmation may appear in the joy someone feels when their partner says, “I’m proud of you,” after a long day, or in the reassurance that a friend’s encouraging message provides. Acts of Service are reflected in small but meaningful gestures such as a partner preparing breakfast, a sibling fixing something that has broken, or a friend helping with a difficult task without being asked. Receiving Gifts can be seen when a person treasures a handwritten note, a favourite snack brought home unexpectedly, or a small souvenir chosen with sincere thoughtfulness. Quality Time becomes evident when someone feels truly connected, often during uninterrupted conversations, shared walks, or moments when a loved one puts their phone away to be fully present. Physical Touch reveals itself through the comfort of a warm hug after a stressful day, the soothing reassurance of holding hands in a crowded place, or a gentle touch on the shoulder that conveys safety and belonging. These everyday moments show how love travels—not through grand gestures alone, but through small acts that align with the emotional dialect each heart understands most clearly.

When partners possess different love languages, conflict often arises not from a lack of affection but from the painful illusion that love is absent, simply because it is expressed in a form the other person does not instinctively recognise. A partner who speaks Words of Affirmation may feel emotionally starved when their significant other, acting lovingly through Acts of Service, spends hours doing helpful tasks yet rarely offers verbal reassurance. Meanwhile, the partner devoted to service may feel bewildered or unappreciated, unable to understand why their consistent efforts go unnoticed. Similarly, someone whose primary language is Quality Time might experience loneliness even in a stable relationship, particularly if their partner expresses love through Receiving Gifts or Physical Touch, but seldom grants undivided attention. Individuals oriented towards Physical Touch may feel rejected when their need for closeness is met with emotional warmth but physical distance, while a partner who values thoughtful gifts may feel hurt when their gestures are dismissed as unnecessary or materialistic. In these mismatches, resentment quietly accumulates, misunderstandings deepen, and both partners may believe they are giving everything while receiving nothing.

Learning to speak another person’s love language is an act of deliberate generosity rather than instinct, requiring practice, patience, and a willingness to step beyond one’s habitual patterns of expression. It begins with understanding that love is not merely a feeling but a translation—an effort to communicate in the emotional vocabulary that resonates most deeply with the person we cherish. For someone whose language is Words of Affirmation, practising might mean offering small, sincere comments each day, even if speaking affectionately does not come naturally. Those learning Acts of Service can begin with simple, thoughtful tasks that lighten the other’s burden, gradually becoming more attuned to unspoken needs. When the language is Receiving Gifts, one can cultivate attentiveness to the partner’s preferences and choose small tokens that signal “I remembered you.” For Quality Time, practising might involve setting aside distractions, scheduling intentional moments together, and learning to be fully present. Finally, for Physical Touch, one can gradually build comfort with affectionate contact, recognising that a gentle touch or warm embrace can speak volumes. When partners commit to practising each other’s languages consistently, love becomes a shared fluency rather than a fractured dialogue.

Thus flows Love, an endless river whose waters never cease, no matter how often we speak of it. It is a force both tender and mighty, quietly shaping hearts and lives beyond the reach of words. In its presence, even silence becomes eloquent, and the gentlest touch can speak volumes.

Love lives in the unseen gestures, the fleeting moments, the unspoken understanding that binds souls together. It is in the glance that lingers, the hand that holds, and the quiet attention we give without expectation. True love is both simple and profound—it is both ordinary and extraordinary, yet always unmistakably present.

Let us carry this language of the heart into every day, remembering that love does not demand perfection or grandeur. It asks only for presence, for sincerity, and for the courage to be felt as deeply as it makes us feel. In this way, Love becomes eternal, a poetry written not in letters but in lives lived fully and with care.

As Vina Panduwinata and Broery Marantika sing in Bahasa Cinta:

Kita bicara dalam bahasa cinta

[We speak in the language of love]

tanpa suara, tanpa sepatah kata

[without a sound, without a single word]

Pelukan asmara mengungkapkan semua

[A loving hug reveals it all]

tanpa suara, tanpa kata-kata

[without a sound, without any words]

[Part 1]

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