Gratitude

"Flora told me, 'Being thankful is not controversial. Nor is it rocket science. It is simple. Everyone agrees that gratitude is a good thing. Gratitude, like other positive emotions, has inspired many theological and philosophical writings, '" said the Moon after delivering Basmalah and Salaam.

"'According to Al-Ghazali,' said Flora, 'there are five good traits that we should adopt and nurture within ourselves. The first is tawbah (repentance); the second is khawf (fear) and the third is zuhd (asceticism), the fourth is sabr (patience). The fifth is shukr (gratitude).

Ibn Masood, radhiyallahu 'anhu, said, 'Imaan is of two halves; half is patience (sabr) and half is being thankful (shukr).' Ibn Qayyim, rahimahullah, wrote that Patience—or patient perseverance—is obligatory, according to the consensus of the scholars, and it is half of faith (iman), the other half of which is gratitude (shukr). Both Ibn Qayyim and Al-Ghazali agreed that Knowledge is the first pillar of Gratitude. Of course, how can you be grateful if don't know how to do it? When you have acquired knowledge, you can progress to the state of being joyful, reverent and subservient. Gratitude is usually followed by the second pilar, action, for instance, thanking someone who gave you a favour.

Psychologists have preferred the language of emotion in speaking about gratitude.One of the earliest psychological treatments of gratitude as an emotion appeared in the writings of William McDougall. McDougall viewed gratitude as a secondary, or blended, emotion that includes awe, admiration, reverence, envy, resentment, embarrassment, and jealousy. The philosopher Søren Kierkegaard suggested that, in thankfulness, a person’s relationship to God and others gives birth to a self-awareness that constitute his being. Experiences and expressions of gratitude thus shape identity. Given that gratitude is a fundamental attribute of human beings and a potential key to human flourishing, we should endeavor to learn as much as we can about its origins, its forms of expressions, and its consequences for individual and collective functioning.

Ours is a commercial age, one driven by the impulse of selfinterest. Adam Smith understood this well when he noted in The Wealth of Nations that it is not benevolence or love of our fellow human beings that brings food to our table. We receive our daily bread by appealing to the self-interest of the baker and offering something in return that is needed.Two factors lay behind Smith’s defense of self-interest over benevolence. First, he believed that self-interest was a more steady passion than benevolence because the unintended consequences of self-interest could be calculated and projected into the future. We can rely on the self-interest of others more readily than we can their benevolence or love. Second, Smith believed that an appeal to self-interest was also an appeal to the dignity of the individual. Only a beggar depends on the benevolence of others for everyday subsistence, and even then only on a limited basis. In contrast to benevolence, self-interested exchange was predicated on the idea that individuals could enter into market exchanges and affirm their existence as free and autonomous human beings.

Given the central role of self-interest in Smith’s economic theory of commercial society, it is tempting to conclude that Smith believed—as all too many of his twentieth and twenty-first-century counterparts now seem to believe—that humans are at heart self-interested creatures who care little for the concerns or interests of others. As any reader of his Theory of Moral Sentiments soon discovers, however, this would be a serious mistake. To be sure, individuals are driven by self-interest. But, according to Smith, they are also capable of love, compassion, pity, self-sacrifice, resentment, and gratitude. Smith the moral philosopher was less concerned with trumpeting the triumph of self-interest in commercial society than coming to terms with the proper balance that should exist between self-interest and other passions and virtues.

Far from believing that a commercial society could flourish solely on the basis of the drive of self-interest, Smith argued that a certain moral capital was needed if a society was to flourish. For contracts to work, people had to keep their word. Property had to be respected for exchange transactions to take place. People also had to be willing to respect and tolerate one another, particularly on divisive matters. The values of friendship, family, and love had to be preserved and promoted. Individuals had to be willing to sacrifice their own good for the good of the whole, particularly in times of war where the nation’s very existence was in question.The individual championed in Smith’s moral theory as well as his political economy was not simply an isolated utility maximizer. He or she was a social creature linked closely to others in the community through passions and affections. What Smith recognized as obvious, many social, political and economic theorists consider today to be a heresy.

Adam Smith is often identified with the so-called moral sense school of the eighteenth century. Responding to rationalist philosophers such as Thomas Hobbes or John Locke, moral sense philosophers such as the first Earl of Shaftesbury, Francis Hutcheson, and David Hume rejected the idea that morality was based solely on reason, arguing instead that morality was ultimately derived from emotions and feelings. Morality was something felt, and not just a conclusion of reason. If one wanted to understand moral norms, including gratitude, one had to understand the moral sentiments.

Not all eighteenth-century philosophers had the insight or ability of Adam Smith to explain the interrelations between self-interest and gratitude in modern commercial societies. His contemporary Jean-Jacques Rousseau, the great eighteenth-century critic of the modern commercial order, seemed at a loss to explain either the positive features of self-interest or the role that gratitude continued to play in modern society.

The first—and, for many centuries, the only—great treatise on gratitude in Western thought was On Benefits, written by the Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca. Addressed to a friend, Aebutius Liberalis of Lyons, the work is longwinded and repetitious. But it raises many of the concerns that would define how later thinkers conceptualized the problem of gratitude. The importance of understanding the place of gratitude in human society was stated clearly in the first paragraph, 'Among the many and diverse errors of those who live reckless and thoughtless lives, almost nothing that I can mention, excellent Liberalis, is more disgraceful than the fact that we do not know how either to give or to receive benefits. For it follows that, if they are ill placed, they are ill acknowledged, and when we complain of their not being returned, it is too late; for they were lost at the time they were given. Nor is it surprising that among all our many and great vices, none is so common as ingratitude.'

Identifying ingratitude as our most common vice is intriguing. It may be because it is such a common vice that we do not properly understand its complexity. Throughout the treatise, Seneca tried to provide a perspective for sorting out the complexity underlying the problem of gratitude.

In their analysis of the sentiment of gratitude, McCullough, Kilpatrick, Emmons, and Larson conceptualized gratitude as having three morally relevant functions, that of a moral barometer, a moral motivator, and a moral reinforcer. Feelings of gratitude to God motivate proper behavior toward the one who is giving thanks, which means obeying His commandments and loving Him.

The idea that gratitude to other human beings is one pathway to developing an attitude of gratitude toward God, was elaborated on at length by Bahya Ibn Pakuda, the tenth-century Spanish Jewish author of one of the most influential of Jewish devotional treatises, Chovot HaLevavot [The Duties of the Heart].

Gratitude seems out of fashion in modern life. It is not that modern people do not know how to be grateful. Nor is it true that we rarely express gratitude for acts of kindness and other good things that come our way. After all, parents still teach their children to say please and, especially, thank you. And U.S. citizens take a day off in November to get together with their families for feasting and football viewing, ostensibly for the purpose of thanksgiving. But when was the last time you were really impressed by a heroic act of gratitude? When was the last time that a national leader made news by suggesting that the key to future prosperity and happiness is being thankful for what we have? How many self-help books, inspirational speeches, or television talk shows urge us on to higher and greater levels of thankfulness?

Gratitude has so little cachet in modern life that it does not even warrant a footnote in William J. Bennett’s authoritative and popular Book of Virtues. Drawing from a wide range of traditions, Bennett brought together inspiring moral stories illustrating ten human ideals: self-discipline, compassion, responsibility, friendship, work, courage, perseverance, honesty, loyalty, and faith. Why not gratitude? One could argue that gratitude is subsumed under one or two of Bennett’s top 10 (say, faith?). Or one might suggest that, important though it may be, gratitude does not inspire great moral stories. But it is hard to dismiss easily a third line of reasoning concerning gratitude’s second-tier status in modern life. That line goes something like this: Gratitude is nice, but nice is not enough. Nice is not enough for meeting the most pressing psychological and social demands of modern life. Nice won’t get you a good job, a decent income, a loving spouse, happy children, a valued place in the community—to say nothing of fame, fortune, or personal fulfillment. As heir to the Enlightenment, cultural modernity values autonomy, achievement, efficient productivity, creative innovation, clear-headed rationality, and the expansion and actualization of the self. In a softer and more interpersonal vein, modern life also holds up romantic love, marital commitment, close friendships, care of children, and civic responsibility as ennobling ideals that enrich life and contribute to the well-being of society writ large. Although gratitude is not inimical to any of these pursuits, one is hard pressed to see how it is explicitly integral to many of them. The modern response to gratitude may even shade from mild but unenthusiastic endorsement to occasional ambivalence. In the modern market economy, one does not expect to pay for goods and services with gratitude. It is surely nice if the customer offers token or even heartfelt words of thanks to the salesperson at the close of their negotiations, but the customer must still expect to write a check for that newly purchased home appliance. Gratitude will not yield even a dime of discount. Excessive gratitude may be viewed as ingratiating.When a person offers repeated and effusive thank yous, the beneficiaries may begin to wonder what the grateful individual really wants.

Sometimes, people receive gifts and, for complex reasons, they react with ingratitude. The act of giving and receiving a gift can be fraught with a widely diverging assortment of perceptions, psychological states, and conflicting emotions. The dynamics of giving and receiving, the relationship between donor and recipient, perceived motivations of each, and their prior histories in similar situations influence the degree to which gratitude is felt, as well as the way in which gratitude is expressed. Sometimes gifts bring joy, at other times they come with pride, and, if certain circumstances are present, they can also bring envy, hatred, greed, and jealousy.

Gratitude requires that a giver give not only a gift but also a gift dear to himself—a 'pearl of great price,' as it were. For the recipient to be grateful, in an emotional sense, he must know that the act of giving caused the giver to lose something, to forgo some opportunity, to part with something of value, or, at the very least, to make a real effort.

This is why the amount of gratitude we feel when we receive a gift has next to nothing to do with how much the gift cost. The wealthy businessperson who asks their assistants or personal shoppers to buy expensive gifts and then send them on to various recipients won't generate significant gratitude from those on their gift list. The recipients simply know the gift cost nothing in terms of effort and that the loss of money involved meant nothing to the giver. They may actually feel more grateful to the harried, underpaid assistant who chose the gift than the actual giver, a judgment that the assistant's effort cost him more than the money and supervision cost the 'generous' donor.

The degree to which we feel gratitude always hinges on this internal, secret assessment of cost. It is intrinsic to the emotion, and perfectly logical, that we don't feel all that grateful for the gifts we receive that cost little or nothing to the giver. Yet, there is another important factor: our degree of gratitude is influenced by our perception of the motives that underlie the gift. Given the pleasure that accompanies gratitude, it may seem that ingratitude is a denial of pleasure, an anhedonic act, presumably motivated by the urge to punish or harm the self and the other. A desire to harm the self and the giver through ingratitude is a significant obstacle to feeling and expressing gratefulness.

But there are other, less psychologically complex impediments to gratitude. First, the negativity bias. In some respects it may be natural to ignore one's blessings, or even to complain about them. This might come as a surprise to most people, in that most of us believe that we are grateful for the benefits we have received. This should not be unexpected, though, given that psychologists have identified a natural tendency of the mind to perceive an input as negative. This 'negativity bias' means that incoming emotions and thoughts are more likely to be unpleasant rather than pleasant. Furthermore, the negativity bias appears to be a very real phenomenon with a solid neurophysiological basis.

Next, the inability to acknowledge dependency. Charles Dickens's novel Great Expectations is a timeless story where gratitude and ingratitude are set in bold relief as central elements in the human condition. For most of the novel, Pip, the protagonist, takes for granted the benevolence of Joe Gargery, his brother-in-law who has been his constant friend and protector throughout his life. Any smattering of thankfulness that Pip might have is driven out by his selfish ambition. Toward Magwitch, Pip's secret benefactor, Pip has nothing but contempt. Even in the scene of profound revelation when he learns the truth about Magwitch, his initial response is not one of gratitude but one of disgust and disappointment.

Closely related to an inability to admit, that we are not self-sufficient are internal conflicts that we experience over expressing intimate, positive emotions. As the research by Sommers suggests, this is more an issue for men than it is for women, at least in American culture. Given our culture's general emphasis on the containment of emotional expression, coupled with a natural tendency to seek expression, it is not surprising that individuals become ambivalent over emotional expression.

Another obstacle is inappropriate gift giving. The gift relationship has been referred to as one of the most morally laden relationships that human beings have. Gift exchange is governed by the law of reciprocity, and gratitude calibrates the desire to make an appropriate return. Gifts have many meanings, and the risk for unintended outcomes is high. Gifts can be unwelcome burdens. Gifts may be used to control the receiver and to guarantee his or her loyalty. A gift that is lavishly disproportionate to what is appropriate to the relationship between giver and receiver will produce resentment, guilt, anger, a sense of obligation, or even humiliation.

Another obstacle is that we need to choose our comparisons wisely. Epicurus wrote, 'Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things only hoped for.' Gratitude is the realization that we have everything that we need, at the moment.'"

"Just before our time was up, Flora ended our conversation, 'Gratitude requires taking time out to reflect on one's blessings. As daily life is increasingly frantic, frazzled, and fragmented, gratitude can be crowded out. Events, people, or situations that are apt to evoke gratitude can easily be taken for granted or shunted aside as one contends with life's daily hassles and struggles to regulate intense negative feelings such as anger, shame, and resentment.'

And she waved at me as she sang,

So goodbye yellow brick road

Where the dogs of society howl

You can't plant me in your penthouse

I'm going back to my plough

Back to the howling old owl in the woods

Hunting the horny back toad

Oh, I've finally decided my future lies

Beyond the yellow brick road *)

Before she's gone, the Moon concluded, "Gratitude is defined as 'the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful.' Be grateful to those who do good to you; be grateful for your blessings.This is something that we teach to our children at the youngest of ages. Gratitude is an important dimension of life as we interact with one another in our everyday affairs. It is impossible to imagine a world where individuals don’t receive and give gratitude regularly. Gratitude is one of the building blocks of a Civil and Humane society. And Allah knows best."

Citations & References:
- Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah, Patience and Gratitude - An abridgement of his original work entitled, “Uddat as-Sabireen wa Dhakirat ash-Shakireen” translated by TheVista, Taha Publishing
- Imam Abu Hamid Muhammad Al-Ghazali, The Forty Principle of the Religion, translation by Nasir Abdussalam, Turath Publishing
- Robert A. Emmons & Michael E. McCullough (ed.), The Psychology of Gratitude, Oxford University Press
- Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D, Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier, Houghton Mifflin
- Ellen Vaughn, Radical Gratitude, Zondervan

- Doğan Göçmen, The Adam Smith Problem - Human Nature and Society in The Theory of Moral Sentiments and The Wealth of Nations, Tauris Academic Studies
*) "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" written by Elton John.

Bahasa

When Toad was Planning to Make a Road

"Flora told me this, 'Toad hopped happily, she had a new house on the hill. 'My new house is best,' toad boasted. He waited and waited for the truck to bring his things. Time thicked on, but she was out of luck, 'Where's the truck?' he tought. Then he hopped down the hill. Lucky for him, 'There's the truck!' But there's no track for the truck up to his house. So, he had to bring his things up the hill.

'I have to make a road,' said he to himself, 'I should make a road because the storm will come towards the end of the year. 'I should make a road because rice stocks have run low. I should make a road because Cummuterline fare for the rich will be overprized, although it is difficult to distinguish between rich and poor passengers. I should make a road because prices will go up again next year, ' said the Moon when her light started to shine, after saying Basmalah and Salaam.

'This morning, I read George Orwell's writing,' added Toad, 'He wrote, 'Before the swallow, before the daffodil, and not much later than the snowdrop, the common toad salutes the coming of spring after his own fashion, which is to emerge from a hole in the ground, where he has lain buried since the previous autumn, and crawl as rapidly as possible towards the nearest suitable patch of water. Something—some kind of shudder in the earth, or perhaps merely a rise of a few degrees in the temperature—has told him that it is time to wake up: though a few toads appear to sleep the clock round and miss out a year from time to time at any rate, I have more than once dug them up, alive and apparently well, in the middle of summer.

At this period, after his long fast, the toad has a very spiritual look, like a strict Anglo-Catholic towards the end of Lent. His movements are languid but purposeful, his body is shrunken, and by contrast his eyes look abnormally large. This allows one to notice, what one might not at another time, that a toad has about the most beautiful eye of any living creature. It is like gold, or more exactly it is like the golden-coloured semi-precious stone which one sometimes sees in signet-rings, and which I think is called a chrysoberyl.

For a few days after getting into the water the toad concentrates on building up his strength by eating small insects. Presently he has swollen to his normal size again, and then he goes through a phase of intense sexiness. All he knows, at least if he is a male toad, is that he wants to get his arms round something, and if you offer him a stick, or even your finger, he will cling to it with surprising strength and take a long time to discover that it is not a female toad. Frequently one comes upon shapeless masses of ten or twenty toads rolling over and over in the water, one clinging to another without distinction of sex. By degrees, however, they sort themselves out into couples, with the male duly sitting on the female's back. You can now distinguish males from females, because the male is smaller, darker and sits on top, with his arms tightly clasped round the female's neck. After a day or two the spawn is laid in long strings which wind themselves in and out of the reeds and soon become invisible. A few more weeks, and the water is alive with masses of tiny tadpoles which rapidly grow larger, sprout hind-legs, then forelegs, then shed their tails: and finally, about the middle of the summer, the new generation of toads, smaller than one's thumbnail but perfect in every particular, crawl out of the water to begin the game anew.

I mention the spawning of the toads because it is one of the phenomena of spring which most deeply appeal to me, and because the toad, unlike the skylark and the primrose, has never had much of a boost from poets.

But I am aware that many people do not like reptiles or amphibians, and I am not suggesting that in order to enjoy the spring you have to take an interest in toads. There are also the crocus, the missel-thrush, the cuckoo, the blackthorn, etc. The point is that the pleasures of spring are available to everybody, and cost nothing. Even in the most sordid street the coming of spring will register itself by some sign or other, if it is only a brighter blue between the chimney pots or the vivid green of an elder sprouting on a blitzed site. Indeed it is remarkable how Nature goes on existing unofficially; as it were, in the very heart of London. I have seen a kestrel flying over the Deptford gasworks, and I have heard a first-rate performance by a blackbird in the Euston Road. There must be some hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of birds living inside the four-mile radius, and it is rather a pleasing thought that none of them pays a halfpenny of rent.

As for spring, not even the narrow and gloomy streets round the Bank of England are quite able to exclude it. It comes seeping in everywhere, like one of those new poison gases which pass through all filters. The spring is commonly referred to as 'a miracle', and during the past five or six years this worn-out figure of speech has taken on a new lease of life. After the sort of winters we have had to endure recently; the spring does seem miraculous, because it has become gradually harder and harder to believe that it is actually going to happen. Every February since 1940 I have found myself thinking that this time winter is going to be permanent. But Persephone, like the toads, always rises from the dead at about the same moment. Suddenly; towards the end of March, the miracle happens and the decaying slum in which I live is transfigured. Down in the square the sooty privets have turned bright green, the leaves are thickening on the chestnut trees, the daffodils are out, the wallflowers are budding, the policeman's tunic looks positively a pleasant shade of blue, the fishmonger greets his customers with a smile, and even the sparrows are quite a different colour, having felt the balminess of the air and nerved themselves to take a bath, their first since last September.

Is it wicked to take a pleasure in spring and other seasonal changes? To put it more predsely, is it politically reprehensible, while we are all groaning, or at any rate ought to be groaning, under the shackles of the capitalist system, to point out that life is frequently more worth living because of a blackbird's song, a yellow elm tree in October, or some other natural phenomenon which does not cost money and does not have what the editors of left-wing newspapers call a class angle? There is no doubt that many people think so. I know by experience that a favourable reference to 'Nature' in one of my articles is liable to bring me abusive letters, and though the keyword in these letters is usually 'sentimental', two ideas seem to be mixed up in them. One is that any pleasure in the actual process of life encourages a sort of political quietism. People, so the thought runs, ought to be discontented, and it is our job to multiply our wants and not simply to increase our enjoyment of the things we have already. The other idea is that this is the age of machines and that to dislike the machine, or even to want to limit its domination, is backward-looking, reactionary and slightly ridiculous. This is often backed up by the statement that a love of Nature is a foible of urbanized people who have no notion what Nature is really like. Those who really have to deal with the soil, so it is argued, do not love the soil, and do not take the faintest interest in birds or flowers, except from a strictly utilitarian point of view.

To love the country one must live in the town, merely taking an occasional week-end ramble at the warmer times of year.

This last idea is demonstrably false. Medieval literature, for instance, including the popular ballads, is full of an almost Georgian enthusiasm for Nature, and the art of agricultural peoples such as the Chinese and Japanese centres always round trees, birds, flowers, rivers, mountains. The other idea seems to me to be wrong in a subtler way. Certainly we ought to be discontented, we ought not simply to find out ways of making the best of a bad job, and yet if we kill all pleasure in the actual process of life, what sort of future are we preparing for ourselves? If a man cannot enjoy the return of spring, why should he be happy in a labour-saving Utopia? What will he do with the leisure that the machine will give him? I have always suspected that if our economic and political problems are ever really solved, life will become simpler instead of more complex, and that the sort of pleasure one gets from finding the first primrose will loom larger than the sort of pleasure one gets· from eating an ice to the tune of a Wurlitzer. I thinkthat by retaining one's childhood love of such things as trees, fishes, butterflies and to return to my first instance—toads, one makes a peaceful and decent future a little more probable, and that by preaching the doctrine that nothing is to be admired except steel and concrete, one merely makes it a little surer that human beings will have no outlet for their surplus energy except in hatred and leader worship.

At any rate, spring is here, even in London N.I, and they can't stop you enjoying it. This is a satisfying reflection. How many a time have I stood watching the toads mating, or a pair of hares having a boxing match in the young com, and thought of all the important persons who would stop me enjoying this if they could. But luckily they can't. So long as you are not actually ill, hungry, frightened or immured in a prison or a holiday camp, spring is still spring. The atom bombs are piling up in the factories, the police are prowling through the cities, the lies are streaming from the loudspeakers, but the earth is still going round the sun, and neither the dictators nor the bureaucrats, deeply as they disapprove of the process, are able to prevent it.'

'Toad finished his talk, 'I have to make a road, because according to 'Madame Gold'—a claim she later cancelled—the plan was, two years from now, the winner of the election would be the frogs again, no matter what people say that it's playing dirty. Now, they are having fun playing click-clacks.'

The Moon ended her discourse, "Before separating with Flora, she said to me, 'Next day, Toad eat toast, 'Today is my party!' But only billy goat got up the hill, 'It's far too steep, except for me. What you need is a road, Toad.'

'If I a need a road, then I'll make a road, if necessary airport, seaport, or even toll roads.!' says Toad. Billy goat respond, 'You can't make it all, the result is embarrasing.'

"And Allah knows best."

Citations & Reference:
- George Orwell, Some Thoughts on the Common Toad, Penguin Books

Bahasa

When I'm 64 (2)

"Flora continued, 'Shock, denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance—these are the identified stages of grief. It's normal to miss our youth to some degree. Identify where you are in the process, and then give yourself permission to move through the grief and come out the other side energized and ready to face the future. Are you grieving for your lost youth? What stage of age grief are you experiencing? What can you do to move through it? People are staying healthy and living longer, and the old stages of life no longer hold.

Gloria Steinem said, 'Actually, aging, after fifty, is an exciting new period; it is another country.' We've never had the real possibility of living beyond a hundred years, but it doesn't make younot to have more time to realize a few of your dreams, finish reading all the books you bought, make new friends, have new adventures, repair screwed-up relationships, or even organizing—once and for all—your front hall closet?

Gratitude is very important in aging times. Betty White said, 'The image in your mirror may be a little disappointing, but if you are still functioning and not in pain, gratitude should be the name of the game.' Self-help gurus have lectured to us about gratitude for years now. How much more harping are we willing to endure before we take their advice to heart? They're right, you know. Gratitude for even the smallest of things can magically shift a tough day from gray to sunny bright just like that.

Perhaps you've entered a time in your life when your strength or abilities have diminished some. You were active in one pursuit or another your entire life, and now you're not as able to continue those activities. It's time to find a new purpose, a new reason for living, and it's time to find new opportunities that will cause you to stretch and grow. Where do you begin? Begin with a decision. If you must, decide to be old one day each year—the day you go for your physical and the doctor says, 'You know, at your age, you should . . .' The other 364 days a year, when you're not in your doctor's office, put your energy into evolving. Here's another idea. Gather up all your health statistics (cholesterol numbers, and so on) and put them in a file. You know the statistics I'm talking about—those numbers that remind you that you're aging. Visit your statistics once a year or so (unless your health requires on another regimen) so you're aware of them but not fixated on them or what they signify. You have a choice—you can make the decision to put meaning and excitement into your life, or you can decide to get old. Marie Curie said, 'The older one gets the more one feels that the present must be enjoyed; it is a precious gift, comparable to a state of grace.' So, sit quietly and bring yourself into the present with all its gifts.

By about fifty, we've amassed a hoard of wisdom that should carry us through the rest of our lives. But too often, difficult emotions get in the way, and accessing our stored wisdom becomes a challenge. We may lose our optimism for life to bouts of situational depression. Losses begin to pile up as we age. We are challenged to keep our emotions stable and, fighting for our lost youth, we forget how to yield gracefully.

In addition to the normal aging process, other factors, such as health, influence our emotional lives. The condition of your health will have an effect on how much you do in your life, how you do it, and how you function emotionally. If you focus on and build on the strengths you do have, your emotional life will be less affected, and aging will become more satisfying. The emotional aspect of aging is a challenge, but it's an opportunity for enormous growth. Happiness as you age is not just a matter of good health and a high standard of living. It's also a matter of feeling in control of your environment.

Bad moods certainly magnify the trivial annoyances of life. Like running out of tea bags or coffee filters, forgetting your toast in the toaster, and tripping over the cat while looking for your glasses (for the seventh time). On the other hand, the unprovoked moods are the most annoying, I think. It's much easier when we can blame something or someone for the mood we're in—however, it's not always a kind or helpful thing to do.

Take time to analyze what was happening before the bad mood occurred because this may give you a clue to the remedy. Keep a mood journal where you track your ups and downs for a while. Note the circumstances (where you were, with whom, and what you were doing). Try to catch and record the internal events that preceded them—thoughts, memories, fantasies.

There is benefit of growing older, is that we are growing less depressed. Even so, are you finding that you've lost your usual spark and sense of humor? Have you stopped going out? Are you avoiding your friends? Do you stare dully at the TV? Do even the grandkids fail to cheer you up? You might tell yourself that it's just a passing mood, but there could be another reason. Serious depression is a draining condition that can ruin the quality of life and often goes unrecognized in older people.

Clinical depression is more than sadness, the blues, or a reaction to grief. Depression is a medical problem, like hypertension or diabetes, and the condition isn't a part of normal aging. A large percentage of depressed older women don't get relief because they are reluctant to seek help or because their doctors don't readily recognize this issue. Doctors often miss the diagnosis because their depressed older patients usually see them for physical complaints instead.

Minor depression usually lifts on its own. But you're likely to need active measures to banish a lingering case. As a first step, get adequate sleep, eat a nourishing diet, and spend more time with friends and family. Exercise is also a powerful antidote. In more persistent cases, therapy can reveal the underlying causes of depression, help reverse negative attitudes, and find better ways of handling problems. For some people, antidepressant medication can also help.

Some of the symptoms of depression that warrants treatment are: feeling worthless, empty, unloved, hopeless; no longer enjoying things; feeling very tired and lethargic, nervous, restless, or irritable; being unable to concentrate; crying frequently; sleeping more or less than usual; having persistent headaches, stomachaches, or pain; and in extreme cases, having thoughts of death, especially suicide. If you are having thoughts of suicide, tell someone and seek immediate help.

Generally, psychiatrists believe most depression is biochemical, but many of them don't accept a specific link between hormone deficiency and depression. Women with obvious hormonal issues are sometimes treated with antidepressants. In these cases, the underlying hormonal component of their depression is often misdiagnosed.

Sudden depression in someone over age fifty may signal a silent stroke. Silent strokes don't result in classic stroke symptoms (severe headache, dizziness, and loss of motor skills) but are often the precursor to a full stroke. Some may have subtle signs such as cognitive impairment. So watch out for that one.

You might also develop depressive symptoms if your thyroid gland (an endocrine gland in your neck) is out of whack, so make sure you ask your doctor to do in-depth blood work. If you are diagnosed with hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid), it can be easily treated.

Remember, a diagnosis of depression does not reflect a character weakness or a personal failure. Indeed, depression or depressive episodes often occur in elder who have lived a normal and productive life.

We can't avoid stress altogether. However, you probably have more control over the timing of stressful events than you think. For instance, if you've recently lost your partner, don't immediately sell your home. If your health is diminishing, don't panic and run off to an assisted living facility. Think things through. Delay responding if you can. Handle one circumstance at a time. Find support, get feedback, and slow down!

If predictable stressors are coming your way, try not to face them all at once. Remember, there are enormous benefits to keeping your stress under control as you age. Author Sandra A. Crowe suggests, “Give yourself a break. Choose a task to postpone or delegate—cancel your dinner plans so you can enjoy a restful evening. Give yourself permission to recharge. Meditate, take a catnap, or just close your eyes and visualize comforting, enjoyable experiences.' Our bodies are in direct communication with our emotions, and stress has an effect on all the major organs.

If your emotional outlook on life is an optimistic one, you increase your chances of living longer. People who view aging as a positive experience live an average of seven and a half years longer than those who look at it negatively. Researchers at Yale say that the power of optimism is even greater than that of lower blood pressure or reduced cholesterol—each of which lengthens life by about four years.

You can't blame your unhappiness simply on aging. Social scientists interviewed samples of people representing all age groups and found that no time of life is notably happier or unhappier.

How does one stay optimistic? Start by taking personal responsibility for your own happiness. Don't blame other people or external events for making you unhappy. Find what you love doing, and by all means, do it. Include things you enjoy in your life every day, even small things. Make a list of the positive events in your life, and refer to the list when you're down. Spend five minutes every day thinking or writing about what you appreciate in life. Stay focused on the positive—even bad days have at least some bright spots. What can you do today, right now, to feel happier and more optimistic about your life?'"

 

Then Flora said, 'And as a closing, listen to these,

A man said, 'I was having some chest pains, but my cardiologist assured me nothing was wrong. Then I told him I was planning a cruise to Alaska and asked if he had any suggestions for avoiding the discomfort.

'Have fun,' he said with a straight face, 'but don’t go overboard.'

A woman said, 'During the last days of my mother’s life, we discussed many things. One day I raised the topic of her funeral and memorial service. 'Oh, honey,' she responded, 'I really don’t care about the details.' Later she woke from a nap and grasped my hand, clearly wanting to share something with me. As I leaned forward, she said urgently, 'Just don’t bury me in plaid.'"

The Moon said, "My light was growing dim, it was time to say goodbye to Flora, and I had to move on to another side of the world. She waved her hands as she hummed,

When I get older, losing my hair

many years from now,

will you still be sending me a Valentine, birthday greetings, bottle of wine?

If I'd been out till quarter to three,

would you lock the door?

Will you still need me, will you still feed me,

when I'm sixty-four?

You'll be older too *)

Before she's gone, the Moon concluded, "Being able to feel content in old age, or other difficult circumstance, infers that you have the ability to make the best of whatever your circumstances are. That is something that, unfortunately, not everyone is able to do. You all know of those who grumble about things, those are the ones who moan about every ache and pain when they get old, whereas those who have serious problems at any age always try to make the best of things.

We all miss our previous lives when we were younger, what we were able to do then and can no longer. Now it is important to do your best to remain as independent as possible – of thought as well as of action. In that way you are still yourself, but in different circumstances where there are new challenges to face and hopefully new successes.

The best remedy to ward off any depressing thoughts is to encourage everyone to live life to the full, taking all opportunities in a way that leads to a contented and eventually more peaceful old age. This is beneficial to your families as well as you. In that way we, as well as our families, will all have memories of good times and really satisfying achievements to treasure and sustain us. This concept of stimulating your mind and consciously seeking out new interests well before the age of retirement may not be new to plenty of people. It also may not be applicable to others but at least, it provides some ideas of how to enrich the lives of many.

We will all have to come to terms with difficult issues as life progresses – as if most of us have not had to deal with difficult matters in the past. In future the problems are not going to get any easier as with increasing improvement in medical care, the next generations may live longer and longer. The more we can enrich our lives and strengthen our will the better. And Allah knows best."

Citations & References:
- Pamela D. Blair Ph.D, Getting Older Better, Hampton Roads
- Rosemary Sassoon, A Short Guide to Growing Older, The Book Guild Ltd
- Douwe Draaisma, Why Life Speeds Up as You Get Older, Cambridge University Press.
*) "When I'm Sixty-Four" written by John Lennon & Paul McCartney

[Part 1]

Bahasa

When I'm 64 (1)

"Flora told me, 'A woman said, 'When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility.

'So what changed your mind?' I asked him. 'I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, ‘You’re interested in someone who’s 104?’

Flora added, 'A man said, 'For ther over 40 years, my grandfather put in long hours at his job, so I was more than a little curious about the way he filled his days since his retirement. 'How has life changed?' I asked. A man of few words, he replied, 'Well, I get up in the morning with nothing to do, and I go to bed at night with it half-done.'

'Then Flora said, 'It seem, few of us to visualise what it might be like growing older, or what we might do to prepare ourselves for the time when we may become less physically active, or have fewer interests to occupy us. We might make sure that our finances are in order and sufficient to support us and enable us to travel or do what we think we might want to do in retirement. We may downsize our homes after our children have gone out into the world, and wives may find pleasant ways of putting to use the extra time and energy that seems to be available then, but that is not exactly or only what I mean. Do many of us sit down before retirement and talk about what the change in our lives might mean? For that matter, do any of us realize what real old age might involve until it is upon us?'" said the Moon when she came as usually after invoking Basmalah and Salaam.

"Flora went on, 'Many people who embrace living still hold on to negative impressions or myths about aging. Living passionately and well doesn't stop at a certain point in one's life, to be followed only by the destructive forces of aging. The sooner we change our attitude about this, the sooner we can honestly explore our longevity.

The attitude that surrounds us is that old age in its most problematic sense starts somewhere between fifty and sixty. Why is this? Perhaps we still buy into the outdated rule that midlife is the beginning of our decline. This fallacy is based on the equally outdated life expectancy of forty-seven years or so, which was an average life span at the beginning of the 20th century. Although average life expectancy has increased drastically since then, our cultural attitudes have not.

People who think positively about aging tend to live almost eight years longer than those who think negatively. In fact, thinking positively is a more significant life extender than low blood pressure, low cholesterol, exercising regularly, or not smoking. Feistiness also makes aging easier, and personal determination to stay independent can help overcome physical frailty. A study I read found that an optimistic attitude has a measurable effect on preventing heart disease, for instance.

We may not have control over a lot of things as we age, but what we do have control over is our attitude toward aging. The degenerative aspects of the aging process can be substantially retarded by a combination of factors that include improving attitude, taking opportunities for service, continuing intellectual stimulation, and adopting good health habits.

We won't be experiencing aging the way our mothers and grandmothers did. We are defining our times. With some effort, we can be fit, fabulous, and over fifty. Our perception—and experience—of aging has changed because just about nothing in our lives is what it would have been in the lives of our age even twenty years ago. For the most part, women now are healthier as they expect to live longer, reevaluate their priorities, and once again explore their passions.

We live in a wondrous age. Most women who reach age one hundred do so in surprisingly robust health. Genes may be responsible for about 30 percent of the physiological changes that occur in advanced age, but the majority of changes are the result of environment, diet, exercise, utilization of available medical care, and mental outlook.

To age successfully, we need to be aware of the newer and older myths about aging that our current culture holds true. Here are some examples of the myths that not quite right: 'Growing older is synonymous with the loss of meaning and purpose; If you are older and are reminiscing or becoming garrulous about the past, you are exhibiting signs of senility; The older you get, the faster time passes; Everyone wants to, and should be willing to, hear our wisdom and opinions just because we are older; Creativity is only for the gifted few, and our talents dim with age.

We're getting older every day, but we need something else to think about besides long-term-care insurance and wondering what our adult kids are doing when we're home alone. Take a moment—right now. Perhaps you're reading a book in a chair, on a train, or in a plane. Are you comfortable? Does the chair feel soft or hard? What do you see around you? Are you in a beautiful location? On a beach or a porch? Pay close attention to the small, the beautiful, the meaningful. Live in the present—for today, for ten minutes, for an hour. What have you been overlooking in the present because you've been too worried about the future?

Each week we have 168 hours—10,080 minutes—to work and play, and you spend the better part of your time trying to get too much done—rushing, dashing, scurrying. In the mid-20th century, American futurists predicted that computers and other labor-saving devices would free up time and transform America into the most leisurely society in history. Exactly the opposite happened.

In this age of rapidly expanding technology and continued consumerism, how can you fashion a simpler, slower-paced life? If you buzz from this chore to that with cell phone in hand, racing from one activity to the next, how can you enjoy your world?

The societal expectation that we must be accomplishing something all the time is broadcast so efficiently and from such an early age that we internalize it. We struggle with a seditious inner voice that says, “You're wasting time. Get up and do something with your life.”

We're expected— or we expect ourselves—to respond to a fast-paced life in the same way we did when were twenty. Are we obliged to keep up with the latest in technological advances such as texting, Twittering, and Facebooking so as not to be out of step? Or do we have the privilege by virtue of age of opting out or being selective in our adoption of this new wave of fast-paced technology?

Try slowing the tempo down once in a while. Why not using pen and paper for personal letters even though communicating by email is faster and more convenient? Why not holding a real book in your hands instead of an electronic reading device? Besides enjoying ordering online and not having to fight the crowds during the holidays, why not enjoying meandering slowly through a gift shop, touching and smelling the trinkets, and smiling at the cashier? It may feel essential to our well-being at this time in our life to slow the tempo a bit. Having time to indulge yourself and find a new pace.

Is it possible that growing older can be fun? Perhaps our negative expectations have something to do with our experiences. One maybe turned fifty-five, then laments the aging process every chance he or she gets. He or she defines it solely as the breakdown of the body and its functions. He or she seems to be creating more discomfort for herself all the time—more aches, more pains, more visits to the doctor.

On the other hand, he or she on his or her over-eighty talks of what is exciting, fulfilling, and fun in her life. When aches, he or she doesn't focus on them. He or she travels, reads, laughs, and she nurtures him or her relationships with friends, children, and grandchildren.

We're looking forward to becoming more outrageous, aches and pains and all. If we someday need to walk with a cane, it won't be an ordinary one. We'll paint it red and white to look like a candy cane. If we must use a walker, it will be equipped with a bicycle horn. Beep, beep—out of my way! If the arthritis in our hands bothers us, we'll wear green polka-dotted mittens indoors in the winter. Aging can be an outrageously validating experience if you learn to laugh at yourself and focus on the fun instead.

Everything is in a constant state of change—our bodies, homes, families, spiritual connections, and whole world. We can use our energies to fight and resist change. But there is something bold and strong about surrender. Change is inevitable, and resisting it causes our souls great sorrow and pain. While we're so busy resisting, we risk missing out on the potential for enormous joy.

There probably isn't a day that you're not acutely aware of change. Your body is changing, your family and friends are changing, your strength and speed of mental processing are changing, and your priorities are changing. How are you dealing with these changes? Denial? Acceptance?

For me, if acceptance means approval, I say no, I don't approve of some of what is happening as I age. If acceptance means I will work change into my life, then I say yes. If change means painful loss and disappointment, I say no, I don't want any of that! (And do I have a choice?) If change means growth, forward movement, and a refreshed attitude, I say yes. If acceptance means I will let myself go as I age, then I say no.

Author Frances Weaver tells us it's our attitude toward all these changes that's most important. She wrote, 'The sincere desire to lead a productive, interesting life at any age depends upon our own imagination and acceptance of new ideas.'

If you embrace this time of dynamic change, you will feel more peaceful. You're on an adventure. Say yes to feeling peaceful—and say yes to adventure.'"

[Part 2]

Bahasa

Talking of Two Penguins (2)

"'The emperor penguin went on, 'Visiting sick non-Muslims is considered piety, Allah says, 'Allah does not forbid you from dealing kindly and fairly with those who have neither fought nor driven you out of your homes. Surely Allah loves those who are fair.' [QS. Al-Mumtahana (60):7]

Once, the Prophet (ﷺ) visited a sick Jewish boy who used to servant him, and he said, 'embrace Islam,' So he embraced Islam. The Prophet (ﷺ) also visited his uncle Abu Thalib—who was never embrace Islam until his death—in his sickness.

Taking part in the funerary procedures of a non-Muslim is not prohibited, since it not considered loyalty towards him in a forbidden matter. If a Muslim have a non-Muslim relative, and if the relative had no one else to wash his non-Muslim relative, so its permissible to do so. This included following his funeral procession, except in a forbidden matter. Should they have no money to cover expenses themselves, then expenses shoufd be taken from the public ireasury of Muslims, since we are commanded to feed and clothe him during his lifetime if he is incapable of doing so. Many jurists allowed following funerals of non-Muslims, since it counts as piety. It was narrated that the mother of AI-Harith bin Abu Rabiah died a Christian and he followed her funeral accompanied by group of Companions.

The majority of scholars allowed visiting graves of non-Muslims, as there is no direct prohibition and visiting their graves is not a form of loyalty to them. Comforting non-Muslims, giving condolences, giving them your time, advising them to be patient and accept fate, are all not forbidden and count as piety which Allah ordered Muslims to have. Whoever says to a non-Muslim while comforting him any form of condolence that does not disagree with the rules of Islam, is not committing a forbidden act in Islam.

Muslims during the lifetime of the Prophet (ﷺ) used to import clothes from Yemen, Egypt, and Sham (Syria, Lebanon, Palestine, Jordan) before the people of these countries embraced Islam and used to wear them without washing them (as washing is the basic rule to ensure their purity). Among those from which the Muslims bought the garments from were Magi and polytheists. Ibn Taimiyah and Al-Khattaby mentioned that ibn Qudamah said, 'There is no disagreement between scholars about legality of prayer that is performed while wearing clothes that are woven by polytheists as the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and his Companions used to wear clothes that were woven by polytheists.'

Using vessels of non-Muslims is allowed. The Prophet's (ﷺ) hadiths prove the lawfulness of using the vessels of non-Muslims, both the People of the Book and polytheists. Jabir, radhiyallahu 'anhu, narrated, 'When we were with the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) in a battle and found vessels and skins of the polytheists and used them, he did not object.' [Recorded by Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

It is permissible for a Muslim to live in a non-Muslim country. The early Muslims migrated to Abyssinia which was not a Muslim country. Some scholars elaborated more by stating that there are three rulings regarding living in the non-Muslim country: first, it is not permissible for whose commitment to Islam is not strong enough; second, it is permissible for whose commitment to Islam is strong enough; third, it is obligatory for whose commitment to Islam is strong enough and is capable and willing to teach Islam. But if it is impossible or difficult to worship Allah, then the Muslim should migrate to wherever he can practice his religion and be accepted as a citizen or a resident. It is not necessary to migrate to an Islamic country because it is sometimes difficult to get admission and sometimes it is because some non-Muslim countries offer more freedom for a Muslim to practice and preach his religion.

It is imperative that Muslims participate in the legislative committees in order to make others aware of the Muslims' needs, opinions and interests. Muslims may be able to contribute in making decisions that match Islamic teachings not because they are Islamic but because they best serve the public interest. Working together with others breaks the ice, removes misunderstanding, and develops understanding and mutual friendly relations. In other words, the intelligent Muslim, by serving the majority‟s government can help in realizing the Muslims interests as well as the majority's interests.

Helping non-Muslim when oppressed is allowed, because Islam does not prevent Muslims from extending help to the oppressed when asked for it or a deal of this nature exists. Sometimes Islam encourages joint efforts to relieve grievances. In fact Islam refuses oppression even if the oppressor is a Muslim.

Seeking the non-Muslims help is as allowed but a form of cooperation, which is encouraged provided that the benefit of this cooperation is greater than the risk, or otherwise the cooperation is a necessity.

Exchanging gifts and congratulations with non-Muslim is allowed, because Allah bases social life between all people on the brotherhood of mankind, and does not limit transactions, love, and compliments to brotherhood in religion only. He, the Almaighty, says, 'O humanity! Indeed, We created you from a male and a female, and made you into peoples and tribes so that you may ˹get to˺ know one another. Surely the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous among you. Allah is truly All-Knowing, All-Aware.' [QS. Al-Hujurat (49):13]

Sayyid Qutb commenting on this verse, 'The One Who beckons you with the words 'O you mankind' is the One Who created you, He informed you of the reason you have been created in nations and tribes. This reason is not so that you fight and show each other hostility, but that you become acquainted with each other and live peacefully together. Differences in tongues, colors, natures, manners, talents and tendencies must not cause conflict and squabbling [over these differences]. You must cooperate to fulfill your role on earth and together meet your needs.'

When Salman Al-Farisy first came to Madinah, he was not yet a Muslim. He knew that the Prophet (ﷺ) was dignified and would not accept charity. He entered upon the Prophet (ﷺ) and said, 'I respect your dignity and I present a gift to you, not a Sadaqah (charity).' The Prophet (ﷺ) extended his hand and ate, and so did the Companions. Al-Hafizh Al-'Iraqi commented on this, saying, 'This hadith shows the lawfulness of accepting gifts from a polytheist as Salman had not embraced Islam at that time.'

Now, how Muslims should express disagreement with non-Muslims? It is one of Allah's great miracles in creation that people differ in their religions, race and languages. Allah says, 'And one of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the diversity of your languages and colours. Surely in this are signs for those of ˹sound˺ knowledge.' [QS. Ar-Rum (30):22]

And Allah says about their different creeds and laws, 'Had your Rabb so willed, He would have certainly made humanity one single community of believers, but they will always choose to differ—except those shown mercy by your Rabb—and so He created them to choose freely. And so the Word of your Rabb will be fulfilled, 'I will surely fill up Hell with jinn and humans all together.' [QS, Hud (11):118-119]

And He, Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, says, 'We have revealed to you ˹O Prophet˺ this Book with the truth, as a confirmation of previous Scriptures and a supreme authority on them. So judge between them by what Allah has revealed, and do not follow their desires over the truth that has come to you. To each of you We have ordained a code of law and a way of life. If Allah had willed, He would have made you one community, but His Will is to test you with what He has given ˹each of˺ you. So compete with one another in doing good. To Allah you will all return, then He will inform you ˹of the truth˺ regarding your differences.' [QS. Al-Maidah (5):48]

Allah informed us that He will judge between people on the Day of Resurrection wherein they used to differ, so He did not leave us in vain, killing each other due to these differences especially since these differences are in Islamic principles, creed, and religion.'

'And so,' the emperor penguins concluded their chat, 'The history of Islam, since the beginning of its first state up to our contemporary age, supports the fact Islam is the only religion that recognized others and their rights. Throughout the history, one can not find even a single case in which Muslims coerced others to abandon their religions and convert to fslam. Rather, for anyone to embrace Islam, their faith and belief should be sincere and should be supported by their own willingness to commit themselves to the Shari'ah of Islam. On the contrary, anyone can see what Muslims are currently suffering and how are they treated, the matter that denies all religions and/or beliefs.'

Then he looked around and said, 'It's getting late, let's go home bro!' And the two penguins walked together with their distinctive style while humming,

Mau pergi, silakan,, mau datang, silakan

[Want to go, please, want to come, please]

Asal jangan main belakang

[Just don't play backwards]

Mau cuek, silakan, nggak cuek, silakan

[Want to be ignorant, go ahead, don't be ignorant, please]

Asal jangan kau permainkan

[Just don't play it]

Aku mah santuy, santai aja, cuy

[I'm relaxed, just relax, friend]

Kau nggak perlu repot gombalin aku, cuy

[You don't need to bother messing with me, friend]

Aku mah santuy, santai aja, cuy

[I'm relaxed, just relax, friend]

Kau nggak perlu repot ngurusin aku, cuy *)

[You don't have to bother taking care of me, friend]

Before parting ways with Flora, she said to me, 'Islam teaches its adherents to accept others and treat them very well not matter what religion they believe in, or whether they were Muslims or non-Muslims. We wish that both Muslims and non-Muslims, could benefit from knowing sound views on many of the misconceptions of Islam and getting answers to many of Ihe questions they might used to have. We hope to peacefully coexist and build social relations between Muslims and non-Muslims. And Allah knows best."

Citations & References:
- Ibn Katheer, The Islamic View of Jesus (Peace be upon him), translated by Tamir Abu As-Su'ood Muhammad, Dar Al-Manarah
- Dr. Bilal Philips, The True Message of Jesus Christ, Dar Al Fatah
- Dar Abdul Rahman, Jesus and Christianity in the Perspective of Islam, Ministry of Islamic Affairs, Endowments, Da'wah and Guidance Kingdom of Saudi Arabia
- Salim Al-Bahnasawy, Non-Muslims in the Shari'ah of Islam, translated by Bayan Translation Services, Dar An-Nashr Liljami'at
- Dr. Saeed Ismaeel Sieny, Muslim and non-Muslim Relation, Darul Fajr
*) "Santai Aja Cuy" written by Vic Ilir7

[Part 1]

Bahasa

Talking of Two Penguins (1)

"'Flora told me, 'Penguins can't fly, but they can walk. Penguins can't fly, but they can jump. Penguins can't fly, but they can swim. Penguins can't fly, but they can stand up. Penguins can't fly, but they have feathers. Penguins can't fly, but they are strong. Penguins can't fly, but they live in many parts of the world. There are 17 different kinds of penguins. The smallest is the Fairy Penguin. The largest is the Emperor Penguin. When emperor penguin mothers lose a chick, they sometimes attempt to 'steal' another mother's chick, usually unsuccessfully as other females in the vicinity assist the defending mother in keeping her chick. In some species, such as emperor and king penguins, the chicks assemble in large groups called crèches and exhibit group behaviours, such as lion and cuddy's duck. Penguins can't fly but they huddle together. Penguins can't fly, but they are always protecting their chicks,'" said the Moon when she came, after saying Basmalah and Salaam.

"Flora then said, 'And once, two penguins were talking on a rock at a certain beach. 'O brother, why Muslims are prohibited to say Christmas greetings?' said a fairy penguin. An emperor penguin said, 'Because their aqeedah forbids it. However, even if they don't wish their neighbors a Merry Christmas, that doesn't mean they hate you or are going to bomb a church. In an Islamic perspective, hatred, killing and destruction of places of worship are strictly prohibited. Every religion has its own beliefs, so do Muslims.

Islam does not leave any aspect of the human life without setting its required guidelines. For each aspect it sets a basic rule, which goes in harmony with the basic rules of the other aspects, to indicate in the end, that there is but one creator and one perfect legislator. The basic rule usually functions as an axis around which the secondary rules and exceptions revolve. The relationship between Muslims and non-Muslims is no exception.

While Christians consider Jesus a son of God or God, in Islamic perspective, he is Prophet of Allah whose mission was to confirm the Torah revealed before him, call to monotheism and give glad tidings of the coming of Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) after him. It was this difference over the personality of Jesus that has kept the followers of the two religions apart.

Thus, Muslims hold all Prophets of Allah, peace be upon them, in high esteem and place them on an equal footing. A Muslim believes in Jesus as he or she believes in Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ). In addition to this, a Muslim who disbelieves in any of Allah’s Prophets is deemed a disbeliever, according to the Qur’an and Sunnah. Even a mere attempt to impeach or accuse Jesus of committing a sin is regarded as an act of disbelief, because Muslims believe that all Prophets of Allah are infallible and not liable to sin.

Muslims love of Jesus, alaihissalam, knows no bounds, and their feelings towards him run so deep. Jesus invites people to follow his ‘way.' The way of the prophets is the only way to Allah, because it was prescribed by Allah Himself and the purpose of the prophets was to convey Allah's instructions to mankind. Without prophets, people would not know how to worship Allaah. Consequently, all prophets informed their followers of how to worship Allah. Conversely, adding anything to the religion brought by the prophets is incorrect.

Prophets also practically demonstrated for their followers how one should live by the law. Consequently, they also invited those who believed in them to follow their way as the correct way to come close to Allah. This principle is enshrined in the Gospel according to John 14:6.

There are some examples of teachings which Jesus followed and taught, most of these teachings were revived in the final message of Islam brought by Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) and remain a fundamental part of Muslim religious practices until today.

Jesus was circumcised. According to the Old Testament, this tradition began with Prophet Abraham, who was himself neither a Jew nor a Christian. Jesus followed the laws of Moses and he did not eat pork. Jesus also did not eat anything containing blood, nor did he eat blood. Allah is recorded as having instructed Prophet Moses in the Torah, Deuteronomy 12:16 and in Leviticus 19:26. Jesus and his early followers observed the proper method of slaughter by mentioning Allah's name and cutting the jugular veins of the animals while they were living to allow the heart to pump out the blood.

Jesus consecrated himself to Allah and therefore abstained from alcoholic drinks according to the instructions recorded in Numbers 6:1-4. Prior to making formal prayer, Jesus used to wash his limbs according to the teachings of the Torah. Moses and Aaron are recorded as doing the same in Exodus 40:30-1. Jesus is described in the Gospels as prostrating during prayer. In Matthew 26:39, the author describes an incident which took place when Jesus went with his disciples to Gethsemane.

The women around Jesus veiled themselves according to the practice of the women around the earlier prophets. Their garments were loose and covered their bodies completely, and they wore scarves which covered their hair, Genesis 24:64-5. Jesus greeted his followers by saying 'Peace be upon you.' In chapter 20:19, the anonymous author of the Gospel according to John wrote the following about Jesus after his supposed crucifixion, 'Jesus said to them again, ‘Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I send you.' This greeting was according to that of the prophets, as mentioned in the books of the Old Testament. For example, in 1st Samuel 25:6, Prophet David instructed emissaries whom he sent to Nabal, 'And thus you shall salute him: ‘Peace be to you, and peace be to your house, and peace be to all that you have.' Whenever Muslims meet each other, they use this greeting.

Jesus confirmed the institution of compulsory charity, known as “the tithe (tenth)”, which was required from the annual harvest to be given back to Allah in celebration. In Deuteronomy 14:22, 'You shall tithe all the yield of your seed, which comes forth from the field year by year.' In the Qur'an, the 6th chapter, al-An‘aam, verse 141, Allah reminds the believers to pay the charity at the time of harvest.

According to the Gospels, Jesus fasted for forty days. Matthew 4:2: 'And he fasted forty days and forty nights, and afterward he was hungry.' This was in accordance with the practice of the earlier prophets. Moses is also recorded in Exodus 34:28, to have fasted, 'And he was there with the Lord forty days and forty nights; he neither ate bread nor drank water. And he wrote upon the tables the words of the covenant, the ten commandments.'

In the Qur'an, Chapter al-Baqarah (2):183, the believers are instructed to observe regular fasting, 'O you who believe, fasting is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, in order that you may become pious.'

By upholding the Law, Jesus also opposed the giving or taking of interest because the texts of the Torah expressly forbade interest. It is recorded in Deuteronomy 23:19 that, 'You shall not lend upon interest to your brother, interest on money, interest upon victuals [food or provisions], interest on anything that is lent for interest.' However, in the verse following this one, the Jews made lending on interest to non-Jews permissible, 'To a foreigner you may lend upon interest, but to your brother you shall not lend upon interest.' [Deuteronomy 23:20].

Interest is also strictly forbidden in Chapter al-Baqarah (2):278 of the Qur'an, 'O you who believe, fear Allaah and give up what interest remains due to you, if you really are believers.' In order to fulfill this divine requirement, Muslims developed an alternative system of banking, commonly known as ‘Islamic Banking', which is interest-free.

There is no record of Jesus opposing polygamy. If he did so, it would have meant that he condemned the practice of the prophets before him. There are a number of examples of polygamous marriages among the prophets recorded in the Torah. Prophet Abraham had two wives, according to Genesis 16:3, 'So after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abram's wife, took Hagar the Egyptian, her maid, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife.' So Prophet David, according to the first book of Samuel 27:3, 'And David dwelt with Achish at Gat, he and his men, every man with his household, and David with his two wives, Ahin'o-am of Jezreel, and Abigail of Carmel, Nabal's widow.' In 1st Kings 11:3, Solomon is said to have '...had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines...' Solomon's son, Rehobo'am, also had a number of wives, according to 2nd Chronicles 11:21, ''Rehobo'am loved Ma'acah the daughter of Absalom above all his wives and concubines (he took eighteen wives and sixty concubines, and had twenty-eight sons and sixty daughters).'

However, Muslims do believe that Allah Almighty is far and above having a child or a partner in His divinity, and therefore they reject any belief that overexalts Jesus above what Allah Almighty wants him to be.

Jesus, son of Maryam is Allah's bondman and Messenger. So, Jesus is but a servant of Allah whom He created and fashioned in a womb as He did with other creatures; He created him without a human father just as Adam was bom without either a human father or mother. Rather Allah just said be and he was. Allah also explains the birth of Jesus' mother, Maryam—or Mary—and how she became pregnant with him, a story which was elucidated in Surah Maryam.

Allah had chosen Adam, alaihissalam, He created him Himself, breathed him of His spirit, ordered His angles to prostrate themselves before him, taught him the names of all things, made him dwell in paradise, and then caused him to come down to earth for a certain reason which no one knows but Allah. He also chose Noah [or Prophet Nuh, alaihissalam], and made him the first Rasool sent to mankind. He sent him when people worshipped idols and ascribed many associates with Allah in His divinity. As Noah tried a long time calling his people day and night, openly and secretly, but his call only caused them to grow more repugnant, he prayed to Allah so that He might punish them. As a result, Allah drowned them, save those who followed Noah. Likewise, Allah chose the family of Abraham [or Prophet Ibrahim, alaihissalam] from whom descended the children of Ishmael and the most honored and the seal of Prophets, Muhammad (ﷺ). Allah, moreover, chose the family of ’Imran, the father of Maryam, mother of Jesus, alaihissalam. There is no disagreement over the fact that Maryam is a descendant of David [Or Prophet Dawud, alaihissalam]. Her father Imraan was the leader of prayer among the Israelites during his time. Her mother, Hannah daughter of Faqood, was a devout worshipper. Zechariah, according to the majority of Islamic scholars was the Prophet of that time. He was the husband of Ashiaa', sister of Maryam. Some other scholars maintain that Zechariah was a husband of Ashiaa's maternal aunt, Allah knows best.

The wife of Imraan, Maryam's mother, said, 'I have named her Maryam.' Maryam means 'bitter.' So, she then said, 'And I commend her and her offspring to Thy protection from Evil One, the Rejected.' This means she took refuge in Allah from the evils of Satan and sought Allah's protection for her child, Jesus. Allah then answered her call. Her mother wrapped her in clothes upon her birth and went to the mosque and gave her to the worshippers. It is most likely that she gave her to them after her weaning period. Being a daughter of their Imam, they vied which of them would be honored with being her guardian. They drew lots, and it was decided in Zechariah’s favor. He was the Prophet at that time. Then Maryam was raised under Zechariah's wing.

Maryam, was ordered by Allah to increase worship, prayer, bowing, and prostration to Him so that she might be qualified, and that she might be grateful to Allah. She had been chosen above the women of all nations. Exegetes of the Qur’an differ as to the duration of the term of Maryam's conception. The majority state that Maryam carried her child to a full term of nine months as all women do, because had there been a different story, it would have been mentioned. It was also mentioned that once she conceived her baby, she gave birth to him.

The word spread among the Jews that Maryam was pregnant. No people suffered what the people of Zechariah's house did. Some of the unbelievers accused her of having an affair with Joseph Al-Nagaar, a pious man of her relations who used to join her in the mosque worshipping Allah. Thus, Maryam went into seclusion, withdrawing from people, and retreated to a faraway place.

Going into labor, Maryam sought the trunk of a palm tree for support in the place to which she retreated. no food is better for a woman undergoing her postnatal bleeding than dry dates and fresh ripe dates, because no food is better for a woman undergoing her postnatal bleeding than dry dates and fresh ripe dates Where this place is located was not unanimously agreed upon, but it is generally accepted that it is at Bethlehem, eight miles away from Jerusalem. And it is clear that Maryam gave birth not in winter, but in the season when the dates were ripe.

The foundation of Jesus' message was submission to the will of Allah, because that is the foundation of the religion which Allah prescribed for man since the beginning of time. In Arabic, submission to Allah's will is expressed by the word ‘Islam'. In the Gospel according to Matthew 7:22, Jesus is quoted as saying, 'Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father in heaven.' In this statement, Jesus places emphasis on 'the will of the Father,' submission of the human will to the will of Allah. In John 5:30, it is narrated that Jesus also said, 'I can do nothing on my own authority; as I hear, I judge; and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.'

Since Jesus' religion, and that of all of the earlier prophets, was the religion of submission to God, known in Arabic as Islam, his true followers should be called submitters to Allah, known in Arabic as Muslims. Consequently, Muslims do not accept being called Mohammedans, as followers of Christ are called Christians and followers of Buddha are called Buddhists. Christians worship Christ and Buddhists worship Buddha. The term Mohammedans implies that Muslims worship Muhammad, which is not the case at all. In the Qur‘an, Allah chose the name Muslim for all who truly follow the prophets. The name Muslim in Arabic means 'one who submits to the will of God.'

The Emperor penguin paused for a moment, then he said, 'So, if Muslims don't wish Merry Christmas, it doesn't mean war and carry out bombings, and it doesn't mean that there is no more ways for a better Humanity. In Islam, social relations with neighbors, citizens and others from among non-Muslims are not forbidden, there are some of the social relations that Muslims may uphold with their non-Muslim compatriots. Muslims are required to remember that Allah commands them to show benevolence to all beings.'"

[Part 2]

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