"Flora told me, 'A woman said, 'When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility. 'So what changed your mind?' I asked him. 'I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, ‘You’re interested in someone who’s 104?’
Flora added, 'A man said, 'For ther over 40 years, my grandfather put in long hours at his job, so I was more than a little curious about the way he filled his days since his retirement. 'How has life changed?' I asked. A man of few words, he replied, 'Well, I get up in the morning with nothing to do, and I go to bed at night with it half-done.'
'Then Flora said, 'It seem, few of us to visualise what it might be like growing older, or what we might do to prepare ourselves for the time when we may become less physically active, or have fewer interests to occupy us. We might make sure that our finances are in order and sufficient to support us and enable us to travel or do what we think we might want to do in retirement. We may downsize our homes after our children have gone out into the world, and wives may find pleasant ways of putting to use the extra time and energy that seems to be available then, but that is not exactly or only what I mean. Do many of us sit down before retirement and talk about what the change in our lives might mean? For that matter, do any of us realize what real old age might involve until it is upon us?'" said the Moon when she came as usually after invoking Basmalah and Salaam.
"Flora went on, 'Many people who embrace living still hold on to negative impressions or myths about aging. Living passionately and well doesn't stop at a certain point in one's life, to be followed only by the destructive forces of aging. The sooner we change our attitude about this, the sooner we can honestly explore our longevity.
The attitude that surrounds us is that old age in its most problematic sense starts somewhere between fifty and sixty. Why is this? Perhaps we still buy into the outdated rule that midlife is the beginning of our decline. This fallacy is based on the equally outdated life expectancy of forty-seven years or so, which was an average life span at the beginning of the 20th century. Although average life expectancy has increased drastically since then, our cultural attitudes have not.
People who think positively about aging tend to live almost eight years longer than those who think negatively. In fact, thinking positively is a more significant life extender than low blood pressure, low cholesterol, exercising regularly, or not smoking. Feistiness also makes aging easier, and personal determination to stay independent can help overcome physical frailty. A study I read found that an optimistic attitude has a measurable effect on preventing heart disease, for instance.
We may not have control over a lot of things as we age, but what we do have control over is our attitude toward aging. The degenerative aspects of the aging process can be substantially retarded by a combination of factors that include improving attitude, taking opportunities for service, continuing intellectual stimulation, and adopting good health habits.
We won't be experiencing aging the way our mothers and grandmothers did. We are defining our times. With some effort, we can be fit, fabulous, and over fifty. Our perception—and experience—of aging has changed because just about nothing in our lives is what it would have been in the lives of our age even twenty years ago. For the most part, women now are healthier as they expect to live longer, reevaluate their priorities, and once again explore their passions.
We live in a wondrous age. Most women who reach age one hundred do so in surprisingly robust health. Genes may be responsible for about 30 percent of the physiological changes that occur in advanced age, but the majority of changes are the result of environment, diet, exercise, utilization of available medical care, and mental outlook.
To age successfully, we need to be aware of the newer and older myths about aging that our current culture holds true. Here are some examples of the myths that not quite right: 'Growing older is synonymous with the loss of meaning and purpose; If you are older and are reminiscing or becoming garrulous about the past, you are exhibiting signs of senility; The older you get, the faster time passes; Everyone wants to, and should be willing to, hear our wisdom and opinions just because we are older; Creativity is only for the gifted few, and our talents dim with age.
We're getting older every day, but we need something else to think about besides long-term-care insurance and wondering what our adult kids are doing when we're home alone. Take a moment—right now. Perhaps you're reading a book in a chair, on a train, or in a plane. Are you comfortable? Does the chair feel soft or hard? What do you see around you? Are you in a beautiful location? On a beach or a porch? Pay close attention to the small, the beautiful, the meaningful. Live in the present—for today, for ten minutes, for an hour. What have you been overlooking in the present because you've been too worried about the future?
Each week we have 168 hours—10,080 minutes—to work and play, and you spend the better part of your time trying to get too much done—rushing, dashing, scurrying. In the mid-20th century, American futurists predicted that computers and other labor-saving devices would free up time and transform America into the most leisurely society in history. Exactly the opposite happened. In this age of rapidly expanding technology and continued consumerism, how can you fashion a simpler, slower-paced life? If you buzz from this chore to that with cell phone in hand, racing from one activity to the next, how can you enjoy your world?
The societal expectation that we must be accomplishing something all the time is broadcast so efficiently and from such an early age that we internalize it. We struggle with a seditious inner voice that says, “You're wasting time. Get up and do something with your life.”
We're expected— or we expect ourselves—to respond to a fast-paced life in the same way we did when were twenty. Are we obliged to keep up with the latest in technological advances such as texting, Twittering, and Facebooking so as not to be out of step? Or do we have the privilege by virtue of age of opting out or being selective in our adoption of this new wave of fast-paced technology?
Try slowing the tempo down once in a while. Why not using pen and paper for personal letters even though communicating by email is faster and more convenient? Why not holding a real book in your hands instead of an electronic reading device? Besides enjoying ordering online and not having to fight the crowds during the holidays, why not enjoying meandering slowly through a gift shop, touching and smelling the trinkets, and smiling at the cashier? It may feel essential to our well-being at this time in our life to slow the tempo a bit. Having time to indulge yourself and find a new pace.
Is it possible that growing older can be fun? Perhaps our negative expectations have something to do with our experiences. One maybe turned fifty-five, then laments the aging process every chance he or she gets. He or she defines it solely as the breakdown of the body and its functions. He or she seems to be creating more discomfort for herself all the time—more aches, more pains, more visits to the doctor.
On the other hand, he or she on his or her over-eighty talks of what is exciting, fulfilling, and fun in her life. When aches, he or she doesn't focus on them. He or she travels, reads, laughs, and she nurtures him or her relationships with friends, children, and grandchildren.
We're looking forward to becoming more outrageous, aches and pains and all. If we someday need to walk with a cane, it won't be an ordinary one. We'll paint it red and white to look like a candy cane. If we must use a walker, it will be equipped with a bicycle horn. Beep, beep—out of my way! If the arthritis in our hands bothers us, we'll wear green polka-dotted mittens indoors in the winter. Aging can be an outrageously validating experience if you learn to laugh at yourself and focus on the fun instead.
Everything is in a constant state of change—our bodies, homes, families, spiritual connections, and whole world. We can use our energies to fight and resist change. But there is something bold and strong about surrender. Change is inevitable, and resisting it causes our souls great sorrow and pain. While we're so busy resisting, we risk missing out on the potential for enormous joy.
There probably isn't a day that you're not acutely aware of change. Your body is changing, your family and friends are changing, your strength and speed of mental processing are changing, and your priorities are changing. How are you dealing with these changes? Denial? Acceptance?
For me, if acceptance means approval, I say no, I don't approve of some of what is happening as I age. If acceptance means I will work change into my life, then I say yes. If change means painful loss and disappointment, I say no, I don't want any of that! (And do I have a choice?) If change means growth, forward movement, and a refreshed attitude, I say yes. If acceptance means I will let myself go as I age, then I say no.
Author Frances Weaver tells us it's our attitude toward all these changes that's most important. She wrote, 'The sincere desire to lead a productive, interesting life at any age depends upon our own imagination and acceptance of new ideas.'
If you embrace this time of dynamic change, you will feel more peaceful. You're on an adventure. Say yes to feeling peaceful—and say yes to adventure.'"
