When I'm 64 (2)

"Flora continued, 'Shock, denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance—these are the identified stages of grief. It's normal to miss our youth to some degree. Identify where you are in the process, and then give yourself permission to move through the grief and come out the other side energized and ready to face the future. Are you grieving for your lost youth? What stage of age grief are you experiencing? What can you do to move through it? People are staying healthy and living longer, and the old stages of life no longer hold.

Gloria Steinem said, 'Actually, aging, after fifty, is an exciting new period; it is another country.' We've never had the real possibility of living beyond a hundred years, but it doesn't make younot to have more time to realize a few of your dreams, finish reading all the books you bought, make new friends, have new adventures, repair screwed-up relationships, or even organizing—once and for all—your front hall closet?

Gratitude is very important in aging times. Betty White said, 'The image in your mirror may be a little disappointing, but if you are still functioning and not in pain, gratitude should be the name of the game.' Self-help gurus have lectured to us about gratitude for years now. How much more harping are we willing to endure before we take their advice to heart? They're right, you know. Gratitude for even the smallest of things can magically shift a tough day from gray to sunny bright just like that.

Perhaps you've entered a time in your life when your strength or abilities have diminished some. You were active in one pursuit or another your entire life, and now you're not as able to continue those activities. It's time to find a new purpose, a new reason for living, and it's time to find new opportunities that will cause you to stretch and grow. Where do you begin? Begin with a decision. If you must, decide to be old one day each year—the day you go for your physical and the doctor says, 'You know, at your age, you should . . .' The other 364 days a year, when you're not in your doctor's office, put your energy into evolving. Here's another idea. Gather up all your health statistics (cholesterol numbers, and so on) and put them in a file. You know the statistics I'm talking about—those numbers that remind you that you're aging. Visit your statistics once a year or so (unless your health requires on another regimen) so you're aware of them but not fixated on them or what they signify. You have a choice—you can make the decision to put meaning and excitement into your life, or you can decide to get old. Marie Curie said, 'The older one gets the more one feels that the present must be enjoyed; it is a precious gift, comparable to a state of grace.' So, sit quietly and bring yourself into the present with all its gifts.

By about fifty, we've amassed a hoard of wisdom that should carry us through the rest of our lives. But too often, difficult emotions get in the way, and accessing our stored wisdom becomes a challenge. We may lose our optimism for life to bouts of situational depression. Losses begin to pile up as we age. We are challenged to keep our emotions stable and, fighting for our lost youth, we forget how to yield gracefully.

In addition to the normal aging process, other factors, such as health, influence our emotional lives. The condition of your health will have an effect on how much you do in your life, how you do it, and how you function emotionally. If you focus on and build on the strengths you do have, your emotional life will be less affected, and aging will become more satisfying. The emotional aspect of aging is a challenge, but it's an opportunity for enormous growth. Happiness as you age is not just a matter of good health and a high standard of living. It's also a matter of feeling in control of your environment.

Bad moods certainly magnify the trivial annoyances of life. Like running out of tea bags or coffee filters, forgetting your toast in the toaster, and tripping over the cat while looking for your glasses (for the seventh time). On the other hand, the unprovoked moods are the most annoying, I think. It's much easier when we can blame something or someone for the mood we're in—however, it's not always a kind or helpful thing to do.

Take time to analyze what was happening before the bad mood occurred because this may give you a clue to the remedy. Keep a mood journal where you track your ups and downs for a while. Note the circumstances (where you were, with whom, and what you were doing). Try to catch and record the internal events that preceded them—thoughts, memories, fantasies.

There is benefit of growing older, is that we are growing less depressed. Even so, are you finding that you've lost your usual spark and sense of humor? Have you stopped going out? Are you avoiding your friends? Do you stare dully at the TV? Do even the grandkids fail to cheer you up? You might tell yourself that it's just a passing mood, but there could be another reason. Serious depression is a draining condition that can ruin the quality of life and often goes unrecognized in older people.

Clinical depression is more than sadness, the blues, or a reaction to grief. Depression is a medical problem, like hypertension or diabetes, and the condition isn't a part of normal aging. A large percentage of depressed older women don't get relief because they are reluctant to seek help or because their doctors don't readily recognize this issue. Doctors often miss the diagnosis because their depressed older patients usually see them for physical complaints instead.

Minor depression usually lifts on its own. But you're likely to need active measures to banish a lingering case. As a first step, get adequate sleep, eat a nourishing diet, and spend more time with friends and family. Exercise is also a powerful antidote. In more persistent cases, therapy can reveal the underlying causes of depression, help reverse negative attitudes, and find better ways of handling problems. For some people, antidepressant medication can also help.

Some of the symptoms of depression that warrants treatment are: feeling worthless, empty, unloved, hopeless; no longer enjoying things; feeling very tired and lethargic, nervous, restless, or irritable; being unable to concentrate; crying frequently; sleeping more or less than usual; having persistent headaches, stomachaches, or pain; and in extreme cases, having thoughts of death, especially suicide. If you are having thoughts of suicide, tell someone and seek immediate help.

Generally, psychiatrists believe most depression is biochemical, but many of them don't accept a specific link between hormone deficiency and depression. Women with obvious hormonal issues are sometimes treated with antidepressants. In these cases, the underlying hormonal component of their depression is often misdiagnosed.

Sudden depression in someone over age fifty may signal a silent stroke. Silent strokes don't result in classic stroke symptoms (severe headache, dizziness, and loss of motor skills) but are often the precursor to a full stroke. Some may have subtle signs such as cognitive impairment. So watch out for that one.

You might also develop depressive symptoms if your thyroid gland (an endocrine gland in your neck) is out of whack, so make sure you ask your doctor to do in-depth blood work. If you are diagnosed with hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid), it can be easily treated.

Remember, a diagnosis of depression does not reflect a character weakness or a personal failure. Indeed, depression or depressive episodes often occur in elder who have lived a normal and productive life.

We can't avoid stress altogether. However, you probably have more control over the timing of stressful events than you think. For instance, if you've recently lost your partner, don't immediately sell your home. If your health is diminishing, don't panic and run off to an assisted living facility. Think things through. Delay responding if you can. Handle one circumstance at a time. Find support, get feedback, and slow down!

If predictable stressors are coming your way, try not to face them all at once. Remember, there are enormous benefits to keeping your stress under control as you age. Author Sandra A. Crowe suggests, “Give yourself a break. Choose a task to postpone or delegate—cancel your dinner plans so you can enjoy a restful evening. Give yourself permission to recharge. Meditate, take a catnap, or just close your eyes and visualize comforting, enjoyable experiences.' Our bodies are in direct communication with our emotions, and stress has an effect on all the major organs.

If your emotional outlook on life is an optimistic one, you increase your chances of living longer. People who view aging as a positive experience live an average of seven and a half years longer than those who look at it negatively. Researchers at Yale say that the power of optimism is even greater than that of lower blood pressure or reduced cholesterol—each of which lengthens life by about four years.

You can't blame your unhappiness simply on aging. Social scientists interviewed samples of people representing all age groups and found that no time of life is notably happier or unhappier.

How does one stay optimistic? Start by taking personal responsibility for your own happiness. Don't blame other people or external events for making you unhappy. Find what you love doing, and by all means, do it. Include things you enjoy in your life every day, even small things. Make a list of the positive events in your life, and refer to the list when you're down. Spend five minutes every day thinking or writing about what you appreciate in life. Stay focused on the positive—even bad days have at least some bright spots. What can you do today, right now, to feel happier and more optimistic about your life?'"

 

Then Flora said, 'And as a closing, listen to these,

A man said, 'I was having some chest pains, but my cardiologist assured me nothing was wrong. Then I told him I was planning a cruise to Alaska and asked if he had any suggestions for avoiding the discomfort.

'Have fun,' he said with a straight face, 'but don’t go overboard.'

A woman said, 'During the last days of my mother’s life, we discussed many things. One day I raised the topic of her funeral and memorial service. 'Oh, honey,' she responded, 'I really don’t care about the details.' Later she woke from a nap and grasped my hand, clearly wanting to share something with me. As I leaned forward, she said urgently, 'Just don’t bury me in plaid.'"

The Moon said, "My light was growing dim, it was time to say goodbye to Flora, and I had to move on to another side of the world. She waved her hands as she hummed,

When I get older, losing my hair

many years from now,

will you still be sending me a Valentine, birthday greetings, bottle of wine?

If I'd been out till quarter to three,

would you lock the door?

Will you still need me, will you still feed me,

when I'm sixty-four?

You'll be older too *)

Before she's gone, the Moon concluded, "Being able to feel content in old age, or other difficult circumstance, infers that you have the ability to make the best of whatever your circumstances are. That is something that, unfortunately, not everyone is able to do. You all know of those who grumble about things, those are the ones who moan about every ache and pain when they get old, whereas those who have serious problems at any age always try to make the best of things.

We all miss our previous lives when we were younger, what we were able to do then and can no longer. Now it is important to do your best to remain as independent as possible – of thought as well as of action. In that way you are still yourself, but in different circumstances where there are new challenges to face and hopefully new successes.

The best remedy to ward off any depressing thoughts is to encourage everyone to live life to the full, taking all opportunities in a way that leads to a contented and eventually more peaceful old age. This is beneficial to your families as well as you. In that way we, as well as our families, will all have memories of good times and really satisfying achievements to treasure and sustain us. This concept of stimulating your mind and consciously seeking out new interests well before the age of retirement may not be new to plenty of people. It also may not be applicable to others but at least, it provides some ideas of how to enrich the lives of many.

We will all have to come to terms with difficult issues as life progresses – as if most of us have not had to deal with difficult matters in the past. In future the problems are not going to get any easier as with increasing improvement in medical care, the next generations may live longer and longer. The more we can enrich our lives and strengthen our will the better. And Allah knows best."

Citations & References:
- Pamela D. Blair Ph.D, Getting Older Better, Hampton Roads
- Rosemary Sassoon, A Short Guide to Growing Older, The Book Guild Ltd
- Douwe Draaisma, Why Life Speeds Up as You Get Older, Cambridge University Press.
*) "When I'm Sixty-Four" written by John Lennon & Paul McCartney

[Part 1]

Bahasa